Another shot of Saline!

Today was another visit to Dr. Ferguson. It was another shot of saline but most importantly I was hoping to get my last 2 drains out. I was still getting 20-25 cc's a day from each drain and the doctor vacillated on taking them out. Thankfully with the upcoming holiday he decided to remove them.

He told me that he would add the saline first and then remove the drains. My right breast was a little smaller than the left because they had to remove more tissue and skin because of the cancer. So I got an additional 40 cc's on the left and 60 cc's on the right. Now they look symmetrical and very there! He removed the last of the bandages and again I couldn't look. When I am at the doctor's office I always want to be in control of my feelings. I didn't want to get emotional in front of the doc and his nurse so I didn't look. All of the stitches are gone and now I need to see the scars that are left. I still haven't looked. I showed G and my mom and they both said they are surprised at how good everything looks. I still am not sure when I will look. There is something about your own body, you are always harder on yourself then anyone! I know that at the end of this process I will look fabulous but the in between is going to be very hard for me. So this is how I look at it. There is a reason for this challenge and the in between is when you really learn about your strengths and weaknesses and this I know for sure, I am a strong woman and I am going to come out of this trial and be even stronger and better. So the in between is when I really need to dig deep so that I can learn not only about me but about my family, friends and neighbors and the depth of love that we all have for each other.

The words "I love you," we say all the time to our family. In the last month I have heard these words from so many of you and it has truly changed me. When anyone is faced with something as difficult as cancer you really find out, from other people, who you are. I am amazed on a daily basis the outpouring of love from so many of you. I don't think that a day has gone by when someone or something hasn't humbled me and my family. From neighbor's to family members right down to my sweet little primary children seem to amaze me. I know that my heart has tripled in size with all the love and compassion that we feel. It is important for me to allow people to help when I need it, and I knew that it was going to be one of the hardest things for me because I like to take care of me and my own. But the look in so many eyes that have come over has really influenced me. I know that they are being blessed by reaching out to give me service. So on both ends of service you are being blessed and I now know that to be true. I could never express properly the depth of gratitude I have in my heart for each of you. From G, my mom, my boys, sisters, friends and neighbors...thank you. Each of you has a special place in my heart and when you are in need I will be the first one in line to give you whatever you need.

Ok...back to the doctor appointment. The doctor told me that I am where I need to be with my tissue expander's and the next step with him is to wait and let my skin adjust to being where it is at and I can get my permanent implants in about 3 months. That is the earliest, it now all depends on how my treatment goes.

So then came the time to remove the drains. The first 2 that he pulled out last week were the smaller drains. So the doctor asked how it felt to have them removed and I told him that it was weird but not painful. He asked if I liked honesty and I said yes. He said that these drains were the painful ones. The nurse told me that when it was time to hold my breath it helps. So he took out the stitches that were holding the drains in place and then pop! He tugged hard to release the drain and then pull...pull...pull out came the first drain. Ya, I could say it hurt! It burned and burned. Again he had to do the same to the other side and then it was done. After we left I was trying to describe the pain to G and he said, "Did it burn like a vampire's venom might burn?" Yes that is exactly how it felt and I no longer wish for Edward Cullen to bite me! I don't like the feeling of the burn. I would rather have G sink his teeth into me any day! But truthfully, I am glad that the drains are gone and I can start to feel normal.

The next step is to take 2 weeks to fully recover and then I have an appt. with Dr. Rassmussen on Dec. 9, Dr. Nibley, the oncologist, on Dec 10 and I attend a Breast Clinic on Dec 11th. At the clinic I will meet additional doctor's, therapists and support groups that I can attend.

I'm also looking forward to a long weekend away with G coming up mid-December. We'll have our last "get away" before my treatment begins and maybe even get our Christmas shopping done.

G and the boys have been doing great. From time to time I see some worry in my boys' eyes but I think they are holding up great. I am so impressed that they really are trying to make an effort to pitch in more around the house and they are so loving and caring towards me. Quite often G and I wonder how much information might be too much but we've decided that though this will be a difficult time for them as well, they will be better able to handle it if they know what may be coming and how it will affect them. I won't be the only one coming out of this ordeal stronger, the rest of my family will as well.

Thanks again for everything. I love to hear your kind words and wishes whether it's by phone calls, cards or comments on this blog. It truly lifts me.

Hugs and Kisses all around and have a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have PLENTY to be thankful for.

Chandy