Hello Family and friends!

Today I had my MRI. Man that was a rough one!

I got there and waited for 30 minutes and in that time I used the bathroom twice...nerves. I was called back and had to change taking all metal off of me and again used the bathroom...nerves! I didn't think I was nervous I guessed wrong.

They had to give me an IV so they could shoot dye in me to see where the cancer is. It was freezing cold in the MRI room so the nurses wrapped me up in several blankets to keep me warm. They also wrapped my arms in blankets which were resting above my head, I was laying on my belly with a opening for my chest and for my face so I could breath. So I went into the machine feet first. The good thing about being on my belly is I couldn't see what a tight fit it is in the machine. I had some oxygen to breath which really helped keep me calm.

My mom had the best idea to sing primary songs in my head while I was holding as still as I could. Oh, and they gave me ear plugs. Did you know those MRI machines are super loud? So the first time it started I flinched.

The nurse could speak to me and she would tell me how long each sequence was going to last. The entire scan was going to last 35-40 minutes. So after a couple of 4 minute sequences I started getting hot. I mean really hot. The nurse told me that if we needed to stop or if I needed anything just to talk because there is a microphone in the machine and she would hear me.

After the machine stopped I told her that I needed a break it was just too hot. She didn't hear me. Crap! So again I said "I think I need a break it is too hot." Nothing happened. Ok I started freaking out. I could feel my heart racing, my breath sped up and I was still trying to hold still. What was I going to do if she never heard me and I was going to have to stay in this machine for 20 more minutes? The woman who was in the MRI just before me had actually passed out. Was I going to pass out? I said a quick little prayer asking for strength to stop this anxiety attack. I immediately felt calmer and took some slow deep breaths.So when the machine stopped the fourth time she told me that the dye was going to go in and the next sequence was 10 minutes. There was no way I was going to make it. So a little louder I said "I need a break I am burning up in here!" She heard and came in and said "Chandria, did you say something I can't really hear all the blankets are muffling the sound?" I told her that I needed the blankets off me.

She took the ones off my arms and it was like freedom! Free from the heat, free to wiggle and free to really take a big breath. She asked if she needed to take me out of the machine and remove the other blankets, but I didn't want to reset the whole thing so I said no. I really did feel better just having my arms free. So in went the dye cold up my arm it went. After the 10 minute sequence I had one more 4 and half minute one the last one! I was almost done.

I was surprised that I couldn't remember all of the songs my primary is going to sing in their upcoming program. I kept repeating the same songs. At one point I thought about my boys and that got me too emotional and I didn't want to cry while in the machine. So I had to switch my thoughts to other things, like shopping, cleaning, shopping, working out, and then shopping...nothing that would make my fragile self get weepy. I had to stay strong I am fighting this monster inside of me and I am stronger than this stupid beast. I was not going to cry. No way! I got through the last sequence and out I came.

I was really light headed and had to sit there for a few minutes to make sure I wouldn't faint. I made it to the dressing room and said a little prayer to Heavenly Father thanking Him for giving me the strength to make it. I had to sit there for a few more minutes catching my breath and making sure I was ok to walk out by myself.

G was still there waiting for me. I cannot tell you what a sight he is to see after I had gone through this test. I immediately calmed down and felt comfort flow over my entire body. To feel his arms wrap around me gave me the strength that I needed to know everything was going to be ok. So G thank you for being the rock solid man I needed when I am feeling so weak and vulnerable.

The nurse told me that the Doctor would call me tomorrow with the results. Well around 4:00 today the doc called! And finally a little piece of good news and not another shocking wave. There was nothing new on the MRI that they didn't already see from the mammogram and ultrasound. What a little relief!

It may seem a small thing and that maybe it wasn't technically really "good" news but I've felt lately like every time we run another test or every time we talk to a doctor things are worse than we thought they were. At least now we're getting a better idea of the size of the monster I'm battling.

The next step is that on this next Tuesday we'll meet with our surgeon, Dr. Rasmussen, and the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Ferguson. It's then that we'll decide what our options are on how we are surgically going to take care of this and how invasive it will be. We will also schedule the day of the surgery.

I am also looking forward to Brett's playoff football game this Saturday, a trip to the temple on Saturday night and an uplifting Fast Sunday.

Thank you to each and everyone one of you who have called, texted, sent cards, cookies, and flowers. I cannot tell you the overwhelming emotions that come over me each time I hear from someone. I know that the 2 little words "thank you" cannot even touch upon the gratitude I have in my heart. So as my sissy-in-law Hillary would say "Feel my arms hugging you!" I send a giant hug to each of you. It is all that love giving me the courage and strength to overcome this stinking beast.

Much love and Happy Halloween!

Chandy