It seems that the good news we got from Dr. Nibley has been short lived.
The day after our meeting with Dr. Nibley (Chandy's Oncologist), Chandy and I went back to the same place for a "Breast Cancer Clinic". It's actually a pretty cool idea and a good way for you to get more opinions on your situation and the best options for treatment.
Chandy and I went into a kind of consultation and exam room where we stayed from about 8:30 am to 11:30 am. While there we were visited by physicians and caregivers from all aspects of the care we expect her to receive. They were all familiar with her case and we were able to ask a million questions and I think now we have a good idea where we stand.
The first visit we got was from the main nurse, Barbara. She explained to us how this whole clinic thing worked and then it all began. We were first visited by Dr. Rasmussen, who performed Chandy's mastectomy. He needed to drain the seroma (collection of lymphatic fluid in Chandy's right underarm) and he wanted to talk to us about how things looked. After Chandy took yet another couple of needles he let us know how pleased he was on how the surgery went. It was good to see him and I don't think we'll need to deal with him anymore unless this seroma doesn't go away. A little side note, the nurse told Chandy that she is one of Dr. R's favorite patients. That's because she is just so sweet and can actually put a smile on her face to try and show them the she is brave!
The next visit was from a Dr. dealing with genetics. She went through four generations of Chandy's ancestors to try and evaluate what any contributing factors might be to her situation. It's interesting to see what lengths they are going to with cancer in general and breast cancer in particular to find out every possible piece of information to not only help Chandy but all women in her situation and ways to calculate the risk for them. We already knew that her BRCA gene test was negative but this genetics specialist said that there may still be some genetic influence that the scientific community just doesn't know about yet along with any other environmental type influences.
We also got a visit from a nutritionist. She went through Chandy's diet pretty in depth and gave us a lot of good information on how Chandy's diet can have a great impact on her recovery from any type of treatment she receives.
Next was a certified lymphedema therapist who deals primarily with patients' lymphatic system once they have had lymph nodes removed. She showed Chandy some good excersizes and put some new fancy tape on Chandy to try and get her lymph system around the nodes that were removed to function better than they are. The seroma that Chandy is having drained is partly caused because her lymphatic system in that area isn't working properly in removing the fluid.
An Oncology Social worker was next and it's her job to make sure the patient has a support system around them. She mentioned a number of times how lucky Chandy is to have the family and friends around her who love her and who are willing to help. I couldn't help but think of a person in Chandy's situation who didn't. It would be horribly lonely. Thanks to you all again.
We talked with a Patients Advocate who is a kind of "go between" between the insurance company and all of the care providers and the patients to make sure procedures are followed to the letter to satisfy the insurance company. The patient advocate makes sure that all procedures are preapproved and answers any questions I have. What a relief it is to have this service! I can tell you first hand that the paperwork is not only confusing but overwhelming.
Recently, I talked with my oldest sister Lisa about my own mother's situation with cancer. My mother passed away about 13 years ago after a very difficult struggle with stomach cancer. Lisa told me that she took care of these types of insurance and payment issues for my Mom, after it got to be too much for my mother to handle, and it seemed like a full time job. What a great service for the Hospital staff to provide!
All of this information was great and the health care providers answered all our questions. They were all friendly and made Chandy feel completely at ease.
This is where the tide kind of turned and the information we were receiving, again, wasn't exactly what we wanted to hear.
Dr. Avizon (I'm almost possitive her name is incorrect but I've forgotten it completely) is the radiation oncologist who came next. We weren't too worried about meeting with her because Chandy's breast tissues have been removed, what would we radiate? Well, it seems that there still is a very real possibility that it will be necessary. Apparently there is still some possibility that the cancer could reoccur in her skin or her pec muscles or somewhere in the chest area where it was because the tumor was "intravaneous invasive" (meaning it got into Chandy's veins). The chance is small, but it does exist.
She talked about what to expect along with the sideaffects etc. She also mentioned to us that Chandy's case was presented again to the Tumor Board where there are at least 5 oncologists, a couple radiation oncologists, surgeons, therapists, etc, etc, etc.
The difficult part of Chandy's situation is her age. She is so young that we are trying to make sure she is going to be around for another 50 years. They are completely taking the most aggressive route. The other difficult part of her situation is that she is so borderline in almost everything.
Her stage of cancer was considered stage one except that there were 2 tumors, one of which was barely under the 1 centimeter benchmark, which puts her borderline stage two. The larger of the two tumors was considered Grade 2, which is right in the middle.
This is part of the reason that they now recommend that Chandy have radiation treatment. They are talking about treating her 5 days a week for 5 weeks.
Dr. W, the oncologist was the final doctor to visit us. He was part of the tumor board along with our Dr. Nibley who reviewed Chandy's case. He was great. He talked about the conversations they had about her at this tumor board. He confirmed what Dr. Nibley told us that they still believe that there is a 90% chance right now that Chandy is cancer free. That's always good to hear. He agreed that the Oncotype DX test on Chandy's tumor was necessary and the information it gives them on how aggressive Chandy's tumor is will help them in determining whether or not chemo is necessary.
He did say though that it was the general recommendation of the oncologists on the tumor board that even if this Oncotype DX test doesn't show that Chandy's tumor is more aggressive than they now believe that they would still probably recommend that she have chemotherapy. Again, this is mainly due to how young she is. They're trying to make sure they get it this time.
That dashed some of the good feelings we felt the day before. We should've known better.
As you can imagine, Chandy was a little down. She's a strong girl though and I know that with her support system and her strength she'll be fine.
They did say that they rarely see women in her situation be in as good of health as she is and as prepared to fight as she is. And she's so damn cute (I added that).
We are in Park City right now watching the snow fall. We came up here yesterday to get away and Christmas shop. Looking out the window I'm thinking I should've brought chains.
She's doing great again. Spirits are back up and we are still sticking with our effort to forget about cancer until January 13th when we meet with Dr. Nibley for the results of the Oncotype DX test.
She'll post soon.
G
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Christmas came early!
Today Chandy and I finally met with Dr. Nibley in the Utah Cancer Center at the Intermountain Medical Center in Murray.
We've been pretty nervous about this day because this appointment was to let us know the extent of Chandy's treatment going forward. We fully came prepared to make the appointment for her Chemo. Chandy was lobbying for starting it after the Holidays and I've been after her to get going with it on the first possible date (I know, easy for me to say).
You can imagine that she's worried about not feeling or looking good for Christmas and the New Year festivities. I told her that I couldn't care less about this Christmas! I'm more worried about Christmas 10 years from now.
Well the appointment went well and Dr. Nibley seems to be a great guy. We had to wait for awhile sitting in the exam room until he came in. We waited so long that I actually fell asleep and was just getting in my REM sleep mode when he burst through the door. It took me a few ticks just to remember my name and where I was. I may have missed the first part of the conversation just trying to find my bearings but the appointment went real well. He's got a knack for explaining the entire situation in a way that we could easily understand. It was a day of great news!
We find now that there is a chance that Chandy will not need Chemo...a very good chance! Dr. Nibley's estimation is that there is a 90% chance that Chandy is cancer free right now! I about fell off the chair! I felt like an interrogator because I asked him about five different ways what that 90% chance really meant and I kept getting the same answer!
Her tumor is considered "grade 2". Not as aggressive as a grade 3 but also more aggressive than a grade 1...sorry if what I just typed made me look like the master of the obvious. Because the tumors were smaller than 1 centimeter and the lymph nodes were clean there is a 90% chance that it wasn't on the move before they took it out.
Hallelujah!
They are sending a sample of the tumor to some place in California to have a very important sounding test done, the name of which I can't remember or pronounce. This test will more definitively determine how aggressive her particular tumor is and whether or not it merits having the chemotherapy done. Dr. Nibley doesn't expect so but we need to be sure. Knowledge is power.
It isn't quite celebration time, the fight isn't completely over, but what great news. We are fighting the urge to be overly optimistic and get our hopes too high until we find out for sure but what a great place for Chandy to be in now at the beginning of the Holiday Season. I know the relief I'm feeling and I know Chandy feels it times ten. I wish you could've seen her face on our way out after the appointment.
The best part was leaving the Dr.'s office and we were trying not to be too outwardly overjoyed until the elevator doors closed and then you should've seen the hug! I didn't even care if it hurt her "new girls".
We meet with Dr. Nibley again on January 13th to go over the results of this important sounding test and see whether or not further treatment will be necessary.
I told Chandy that we are going to forget about cancer for the next month. We're going to try to block it out completely and enjoy the Holidays and the fun and our family. I can't wait to have a team (family) meeting with the boys tonight and give them the news. They could use a little relief as well.
Does God answer prayer? Has fasting benefited Chandy? Is the Power of the Priesthood real?
I think the answers to those questions are obvious.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
G
We've been pretty nervous about this day because this appointment was to let us know the extent of Chandy's treatment going forward. We fully came prepared to make the appointment for her Chemo. Chandy was lobbying for starting it after the Holidays and I've been after her to get going with it on the first possible date (I know, easy for me to say).
You can imagine that she's worried about not feeling or looking good for Christmas and the New Year festivities. I told her that I couldn't care less about this Christmas! I'm more worried about Christmas 10 years from now.
Well the appointment went well and Dr. Nibley seems to be a great guy. We had to wait for awhile sitting in the exam room until he came in. We waited so long that I actually fell asleep and was just getting in my REM sleep mode when he burst through the door. It took me a few ticks just to remember my name and where I was. I may have missed the first part of the conversation just trying to find my bearings but the appointment went real well. He's got a knack for explaining the entire situation in a way that we could easily understand. It was a day of great news!
We find now that there is a chance that Chandy will not need Chemo...a very good chance! Dr. Nibley's estimation is that there is a 90% chance that Chandy is cancer free right now! I about fell off the chair! I felt like an interrogator because I asked him about five different ways what that 90% chance really meant and I kept getting the same answer!
Her tumor is considered "grade 2". Not as aggressive as a grade 3 but also more aggressive than a grade 1...sorry if what I just typed made me look like the master of the obvious. Because the tumors were smaller than 1 centimeter and the lymph nodes were clean there is a 90% chance that it wasn't on the move before they took it out.
Hallelujah!
They are sending a sample of the tumor to some place in California to have a very important sounding test done, the name of which I can't remember or pronounce. This test will more definitively determine how aggressive her particular tumor is and whether or not it merits having the chemotherapy done. Dr. Nibley doesn't expect so but we need to be sure. Knowledge is power.
It isn't quite celebration time, the fight isn't completely over, but what great news. We are fighting the urge to be overly optimistic and get our hopes too high until we find out for sure but what a great place for Chandy to be in now at the beginning of the Holiday Season. I know the relief I'm feeling and I know Chandy feels it times ten. I wish you could've seen her face on our way out after the appointment.
The best part was leaving the Dr.'s office and we were trying not to be too outwardly overjoyed until the elevator doors closed and then you should've seen the hug! I didn't even care if it hurt her "new girls".
We meet with Dr. Nibley again on January 13th to go over the results of this important sounding test and see whether or not further treatment will be necessary.
I told Chandy that we are going to forget about cancer for the next month. We're going to try to block it out completely and enjoy the Holidays and the fun and our family. I can't wait to have a team (family) meeting with the boys tonight and give them the news. They could use a little relief as well.
Does God answer prayer? Has fasting benefited Chandy? Is the Power of the Priesthood real?
I think the answers to those questions are obvious.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
G
Monday, December 8, 2008
Emergency Room
Late yesterday, while I was at a stake meeting, Chandy texted me and told me that I had to come right home because she was experiencing some unbearable pain.
This kind of came out of nowhere. As you can see from her last blog, she has been dealing with an accumulation of fluid in her right armpit. You would think that it would be soft and mushy because it's filled with fluid but it is as hard as a rock. She's been just taking tylenol or ibuprofen over the last number of days and it seemed the pain had been manageable.
The situation had been gradually getting worse until yesterday about 5pm when she realized that she couldn't continue the way it was. She took a few ibuprofens about 6pm and they had no affect.
When I got home from the meeting she was in the fetal position in our bedroom beside herself in pain. It seems the pressure from the "capsule" of fluid was pressing on some main nerve. Thankfully she has been saving her last percocet just in case. I had her take it (after twisting her arm) at about 7pm and I called the after hours number for her reconstructive surgeon.
Don't tell anybody, and Keith if you're reading this please close at least one eye...I had Cody (who still only has his learners driving permit) take the car and drive his brothers to their grandmothers house so they wouldn't see their mother in so much pain or hear the words coming from her mouth (nothing horrible, just the bad words you might find in the Bible).
Thankfully Cody made it there in one piece without jeopardizing his own life, the life of his brothers or anyone else on the road. It's good to have a first born who can look after his brothers in a bind. It's also a huge plus to have Chandy's parents living so close to us.
Dr. Ferguson called me almost immediately after he received the page and asked me to check for the typical signs of infection...redness, fever, heat at the part of her armpit affected. Thankfully she had none of the symptoms. He was hoping to maybe see her this morning to address the problem but I let him know that there was no way she was going to make it through the night in her condition.
He was nice enough to meet us at the IMC emergency room about an hour later where he drained an incredible amount of fluid from her. By the time we got to the emergency room, the percocet had taken affect and at least Chandy got some minor relief from the pain she was experiencing.
After Dr. Ferguson was through removing the majority of the fluid, she was pretty well back to normal. He mentioned that he was going to meet with Dr. Rasmussen (the surgeon who performed the mastectomy) this morning and they would decide the best course of action to take from here to make sure this didn't happen again.
We just found out that they have decided to keep an eye on her and not perform another surgery to remove the "capsule" or install another drain because they believe that the fluid will continue to diminish. We can only hope so.
I can't stand this feeling of being helpless! I can't help but wish that this problem was something that I could just get my hands on so I could cut loose and kick it's a........it would be such a nice stress relief and I'm certain I would feel so much better afterwards! I've always thought that if someone/something ever attacked my wife that I would be able to take care of it the old fashioned way, knuckle and skull...but this attacker is beyond my ability and it drives me mad.
Isn't it too early in the process for me to be tired of it already?
I am just so thankful that I have not only married the prettiest girl I know, but the toughest one as well.
G
This kind of came out of nowhere. As you can see from her last blog, she has been dealing with an accumulation of fluid in her right armpit. You would think that it would be soft and mushy because it's filled with fluid but it is as hard as a rock. She's been just taking tylenol or ibuprofen over the last number of days and it seemed the pain had been manageable.
The situation had been gradually getting worse until yesterday about 5pm when she realized that she couldn't continue the way it was. She took a few ibuprofens about 6pm and they had no affect.
When I got home from the meeting she was in the fetal position in our bedroom beside herself in pain. It seems the pressure from the "capsule" of fluid was pressing on some main nerve. Thankfully she has been saving her last percocet just in case. I had her take it (after twisting her arm) at about 7pm and I called the after hours number for her reconstructive surgeon.
Don't tell anybody, and Keith if you're reading this please close at least one eye...I had Cody (who still only has his learners driving permit) take the car and drive his brothers to their grandmothers house so they wouldn't see their mother in so much pain or hear the words coming from her mouth (nothing horrible, just the bad words you might find in the Bible).
Thankfully Cody made it there in one piece without jeopardizing his own life, the life of his brothers or anyone else on the road. It's good to have a first born who can look after his brothers in a bind. It's also a huge plus to have Chandy's parents living so close to us.
Dr. Ferguson called me almost immediately after he received the page and asked me to check for the typical signs of infection...redness, fever, heat at the part of her armpit affected. Thankfully she had none of the symptoms. He was hoping to maybe see her this morning to address the problem but I let him know that there was no way she was going to make it through the night in her condition.
He was nice enough to meet us at the IMC emergency room about an hour later where he drained an incredible amount of fluid from her. By the time we got to the emergency room, the percocet had taken affect and at least Chandy got some minor relief from the pain she was experiencing.
After Dr. Ferguson was through removing the majority of the fluid, she was pretty well back to normal. He mentioned that he was going to meet with Dr. Rasmussen (the surgeon who performed the mastectomy) this morning and they would decide the best course of action to take from here to make sure this didn't happen again.
We just found out that they have decided to keep an eye on her and not perform another surgery to remove the "capsule" or install another drain because they believe that the fluid will continue to diminish. We can only hope so.
I can't stand this feeling of being helpless! I can't help but wish that this problem was something that I could just get my hands on so I could cut loose and kick it's a........it would be such a nice stress relief and I'm certain I would feel so much better afterwards! I've always thought that if someone/something ever attacked my wife that I would be able to take care of it the old fashioned way, knuckle and skull...but this attacker is beyond my ability and it drives me mad.
Isn't it too early in the process for me to be tired of it already?
I am just so thankful that I have not only married the prettiest girl I know, but the toughest one as well.
G
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Fluid of the PIT!
Yes I have had some nasty side effects since my drains have come out. On Friday I noticed a lump in my right arm pit, where the lymph nodes were removed. I am just starting to get feeling back so I didn't know if it was a new lump or if it has been there since surgery. By Sunday it was really starting to hurt and I could hardly move my arm. G called Dr. Rasmussen's office Monday and we saw him yesterday at 11:00.
After he checked it, he asked if it hurt bad enough to stick a needle in there to see what it was. I am definitely no fan of needles, but I needed the pain to be gone so I told him to go ahead and stick me! Out came a full syringe of fluid! Yuck! After he pulled the needle out there was still some fluid leaking from my arm pit and it was dripping down my side. I was freaking out saying that this is such a pain in my butt to deal with this. Dr. R said "Um, no this would be a pain in the pit, Chandy!" Ok I had to laugh he was trying to lighten the moment and I was glad to see that doctor's can be funny too! He told me to watch it and make sure it didn't get any worse and if there was any swelling by the alloderm to call Dr. Ferguson. Dr. R didn't want to stick any needles close to where the tissue expander is.
I came home and took a nap and by 4:00 it felt much worse and the swelling was all back and even a little more. So I started getting worried so we called the Dr.'s office and they told G the doctor could see me on Friday. Friday! No not quick enough, so G talked to the nurse and explained to her what was going on and she told us to come in today at 8:30 when their offices open.
Dr. Ferguson saw me this morning and he was relieved to see that it wasn't too bad. After he talked to his nurse last night he thought it was going to be much worse than what it was. He said that we could try to get more fluid out but the swelling wasn't close to the alloderm and my body should be able to absorb it. So he stuck me as well. Like 6 or 7 times! He couldn't get much fluid out and he was digging deep. The lump in my armpit he called a capsule of fluid and that is why it won't go away after they drain the fluid out. Over time my body should absorb it and if not they will operate to remove it. He told me to watch for the signs of infection by the alloderm, red or hot skin, fever and swelling. He packed my bra full of gauze pads to keep compression on the area and I teased him saying, "Well I came in here with 2 and now I am leaving with 3!" I felt like I had 3 breasts because my bra was totally stuffed. I remember stuffing my bra when I was younger and now I have a doctor doing it for me. A little strange but we all had a good laugh. Thankfully it turned out to be no big deal.
I have been pretty sore throughout the afternoon, but my spirits are in a much happier place today. Last night was rough, my mind of course would go to the worst place possible thinking I had an infection and they were going to have to start the reconstruction process all over. So the day has ended on a good note.
Countless thanks to each of you who have continued to help my family during this. Especially my sweet husband. He has been doing the job of 2 the past couple of weeks and I know that it has been physically draining on him. Yet he still manages to attend every single doctor's appointment with me and holds my hand when I am scared. Thank you from the bottom of my heart babe!
My boys have also been troopers through this ordeal. They have all taken turns with the daily chores and I don't even hear complaints about it. Even Matt asks what he needs to do for me. When he wants a hug he will give me my bunny stuffed animal so I can hold it. He says that way he can hug me and it won't hurt my cancer! He also asks everyday who he is going to play with. He calls his grandma Jackie and asks. "Grandma, what are we going to do today?"
Next Wednesday I meet with Dr. Nibley the oncologist and we will make plans for the chemo therapy.
Hugs and kisses all around!
Chandy
After he checked it, he asked if it hurt bad enough to stick a needle in there to see what it was. I am definitely no fan of needles, but I needed the pain to be gone so I told him to go ahead and stick me! Out came a full syringe of fluid! Yuck! After he pulled the needle out there was still some fluid leaking from my arm pit and it was dripping down my side. I was freaking out saying that this is such a pain in my butt to deal with this. Dr. R said "Um, no this would be a pain in the pit, Chandy!" Ok I had to laugh he was trying to lighten the moment and I was glad to see that doctor's can be funny too! He told me to watch it and make sure it didn't get any worse and if there was any swelling by the alloderm to call Dr. Ferguson. Dr. R didn't want to stick any needles close to where the tissue expander is.
I came home and took a nap and by 4:00 it felt much worse and the swelling was all back and even a little more. So I started getting worried so we called the Dr.'s office and they told G the doctor could see me on Friday. Friday! No not quick enough, so G talked to the nurse and explained to her what was going on and she told us to come in today at 8:30 when their offices open.
Dr. Ferguson saw me this morning and he was relieved to see that it wasn't too bad. After he talked to his nurse last night he thought it was going to be much worse than what it was. He said that we could try to get more fluid out but the swelling wasn't close to the alloderm and my body should be able to absorb it. So he stuck me as well. Like 6 or 7 times! He couldn't get much fluid out and he was digging deep. The lump in my armpit he called a capsule of fluid and that is why it won't go away after they drain the fluid out. Over time my body should absorb it and if not they will operate to remove it. He told me to watch for the signs of infection by the alloderm, red or hot skin, fever and swelling. He packed my bra full of gauze pads to keep compression on the area and I teased him saying, "Well I came in here with 2 and now I am leaving with 3!" I felt like I had 3 breasts because my bra was totally stuffed. I remember stuffing my bra when I was younger and now I have a doctor doing it for me. A little strange but we all had a good laugh. Thankfully it turned out to be no big deal.
I have been pretty sore throughout the afternoon, but my spirits are in a much happier place today. Last night was rough, my mind of course would go to the worst place possible thinking I had an infection and they were going to have to start the reconstruction process all over. So the day has ended on a good note.
Countless thanks to each of you who have continued to help my family during this. Especially my sweet husband. He has been doing the job of 2 the past couple of weeks and I know that it has been physically draining on him. Yet he still manages to attend every single doctor's appointment with me and holds my hand when I am scared. Thank you from the bottom of my heart babe!
My boys have also been troopers through this ordeal. They have all taken turns with the daily chores and I don't even hear complaints about it. Even Matt asks what he needs to do for me. When he wants a hug he will give me my bunny stuffed animal so I can hold it. He says that way he can hug me and it won't hurt my cancer! He also asks everyday who he is going to play with. He calls his grandma Jackie and asks. "Grandma, what are we going to do today?"
Next Wednesday I meet with Dr. Nibley the oncologist and we will make plans for the chemo therapy.
Hugs and kisses all around!
Chandy
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Another shot of Saline!
Today was another visit to Dr. Ferguson. It was another shot of saline but most importantly I was hoping to get my last 2 drains out. I was still getting 20-25 cc's a day from each drain and the doctor vacillated on taking them out. Thankfully with the upcoming holiday he decided to remove them.
He told me that he would add the saline first and then remove the drains. My right breast was a little smaller than the left because they had to remove more tissue and skin because of the cancer. So I got an additional 40 cc's on the left and 60 cc's on the right. Now they look symmetrical and very there! He removed the last of the bandages and again I couldn't look. When I am at the doctor's office I always want to be in control of my feelings. I didn't want to get emotional in front of the doc and his nurse so I didn't look. All of the stitches are gone and now I need to see the scars that are left. I still haven't looked. I showed G and my mom and they both said they are surprised at how good everything looks. I still am not sure when I will look. There is something about your own body, you are always harder on yourself then anyone! I know that at the end of this process I will look fabulous but the in between is going to be very hard for me. So this is how I look at it. There is a reason for this challenge and the in between is when you really learn about your strengths and weaknesses and this I know for sure, I am a strong woman and I am going to come out of this trial and be even stronger and better. So the in between is when I really need to dig deep so that I can learn not only about me but about my family, friends and neighbors and the depth of love that we all have for each other.
The words "I love you," we say all the time to our family. In the last month I have heard these words from so many of you and it has truly changed me. When anyone is faced with something as difficult as cancer you really find out, from other people, who you are. I am amazed on a daily basis the outpouring of love from so many of you. I don't think that a day has gone by when someone or something hasn't humbled me and my family. From neighbor's to family members right down to my sweet little primary children seem to amaze me. I know that my heart has tripled in size with all the love and compassion that we feel. It is important for me to allow people to help when I need it, and I knew that it was going to be one of the hardest things for me because I like to take care of me and my own. But the look in so many eyes that have come over has really influenced me. I know that they are being blessed by reaching out to give me service. So on both ends of service you are being blessed and I now know that to be true. I could never express properly the depth of gratitude I have in my heart for each of you. From G, my mom, my boys, sisters, friends and neighbors...thank you. Each of you has a special place in my heart and when you are in need I will be the first one in line to give you whatever you need.
Ok...back to the doctor appointment. The doctor told me that I am where I need to be with my tissue expander's and the next step with him is to wait and let my skin adjust to being where it is at and I can get my permanent implants in about 3 months. That is the earliest, it now all depends on how my treatment goes.
So then came the time to remove the drains. The first 2 that he pulled out last week were the smaller drains. So the doctor asked how it felt to have them removed and I told him that it was weird but not painful. He asked if I liked honesty and I said yes. He said that these drains were the painful ones. The nurse told me that when it was time to hold my breath it helps. So he took out the stitches that were holding the drains in place and then pop! He tugged hard to release the drain and then pull...pull...pull out came the first drain. Ya, I could say it hurt! It burned and burned. Again he had to do the same to the other side and then it was done. After we left I was trying to describe the pain to G and he said, "Did it burn like a vampire's venom might burn?" Yes that is exactly how it felt and I no longer wish for Edward Cullen to bite me! I don't like the feeling of the burn. I would rather have G sink his teeth into me any day! But truthfully, I am glad that the drains are gone and I can start to feel normal.
The next step is to take 2 weeks to fully recover and then I have an appt. with Dr. Rassmussen on Dec. 9, Dr. Nibley, the oncologist, on Dec 10 and I attend a Breast Clinic on Dec 11th. At the clinic I will meet additional doctor's, therapists and support groups that I can attend.
I'm also looking forward to a long weekend away with G coming up mid-December. We'll have our last "get away" before my treatment begins and maybe even get our Christmas shopping done.
G and the boys have been doing great. From time to time I see some worry in my boys' eyes but I think they are holding up great. I am so impressed that they really are trying to make an effort to pitch in more around the house and they are so loving and caring towards me. Quite often G and I wonder how much information might be too much but we've decided that though this will be a difficult time for them as well, they will be better able to handle it if they know what may be coming and how it will affect them. I won't be the only one coming out of this ordeal stronger, the rest of my family will as well.
Thanks again for everything. I love to hear your kind words and wishes whether it's by phone calls, cards or comments on this blog. It truly lifts me.
Hugs and Kisses all around and have a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have PLENTY to be thankful for.
Chandy
He told me that he would add the saline first and then remove the drains. My right breast was a little smaller than the left because they had to remove more tissue and skin because of the cancer. So I got an additional 40 cc's on the left and 60 cc's on the right. Now they look symmetrical and very there! He removed the last of the bandages and again I couldn't look. When I am at the doctor's office I always want to be in control of my feelings. I didn't want to get emotional in front of the doc and his nurse so I didn't look. All of the stitches are gone and now I need to see the scars that are left. I still haven't looked. I showed G and my mom and they both said they are surprised at how good everything looks. I still am not sure when I will look. There is something about your own body, you are always harder on yourself then anyone! I know that at the end of this process I will look fabulous but the in between is going to be very hard for me. So this is how I look at it. There is a reason for this challenge and the in between is when you really learn about your strengths and weaknesses and this I know for sure, I am a strong woman and I am going to come out of this trial and be even stronger and better. So the in between is when I really need to dig deep so that I can learn not only about me but about my family, friends and neighbors and the depth of love that we all have for each other.
The words "I love you," we say all the time to our family. In the last month I have heard these words from so many of you and it has truly changed me. When anyone is faced with something as difficult as cancer you really find out, from other people, who you are. I am amazed on a daily basis the outpouring of love from so many of you. I don't think that a day has gone by when someone or something hasn't humbled me and my family. From neighbor's to family members right down to my sweet little primary children seem to amaze me. I know that my heart has tripled in size with all the love and compassion that we feel. It is important for me to allow people to help when I need it, and I knew that it was going to be one of the hardest things for me because I like to take care of me and my own. But the look in so many eyes that have come over has really influenced me. I know that they are being blessed by reaching out to give me service. So on both ends of service you are being blessed and I now know that to be true. I could never express properly the depth of gratitude I have in my heart for each of you. From G, my mom, my boys, sisters, friends and neighbors...thank you. Each of you has a special place in my heart and when you are in need I will be the first one in line to give you whatever you need.
Ok...back to the doctor appointment. The doctor told me that I am where I need to be with my tissue expander's and the next step with him is to wait and let my skin adjust to being where it is at and I can get my permanent implants in about 3 months. That is the earliest, it now all depends on how my treatment goes.
So then came the time to remove the drains. The first 2 that he pulled out last week were the smaller drains. So the doctor asked how it felt to have them removed and I told him that it was weird but not painful. He asked if I liked honesty and I said yes. He said that these drains were the painful ones. The nurse told me that when it was time to hold my breath it helps. So he took out the stitches that were holding the drains in place and then pop! He tugged hard to release the drain and then pull...pull...pull out came the first drain. Ya, I could say it hurt! It burned and burned. Again he had to do the same to the other side and then it was done. After we left I was trying to describe the pain to G and he said, "Did it burn like a vampire's venom might burn?" Yes that is exactly how it felt and I no longer wish for Edward Cullen to bite me! I don't like the feeling of the burn. I would rather have G sink his teeth into me any day! But truthfully, I am glad that the drains are gone and I can start to feel normal.
The next step is to take 2 weeks to fully recover and then I have an appt. with Dr. Rassmussen on Dec. 9, Dr. Nibley, the oncologist, on Dec 10 and I attend a Breast Clinic on Dec 11th. At the clinic I will meet additional doctor's, therapists and support groups that I can attend.
I'm also looking forward to a long weekend away with G coming up mid-December. We'll have our last "get away" before my treatment begins and maybe even get our Christmas shopping done.
G and the boys have been doing great. From time to time I see some worry in my boys' eyes but I think they are holding up great. I am so impressed that they really are trying to make an effort to pitch in more around the house and they are so loving and caring towards me. Quite often G and I wonder how much information might be too much but we've decided that though this will be a difficult time for them as well, they will be better able to handle it if they know what may be coming and how it will affect them. I won't be the only one coming out of this ordeal stronger, the rest of my family will as well.
Thanks again for everything. I love to hear your kind words and wishes whether it's by phone calls, cards or comments on this blog. It truly lifts me.
Hugs and Kisses all around and have a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have PLENTY to be thankful for.
Chandy
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I had to add these onto the blog. Last night we talked to our boys giving them an update on my progress. Matt told me that he wanted to be an artist and asked if I would buy his drawings. I told him I would and this is what he drew. Me in surgery and the patient tower! He is so stinking adorable! I paid him $1 for each drawing. I think I got my money's worth. He is pretty talented for a 5 Year old! EnjoyHugs all around Chandy
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dr.'s Visits and a peek at my new "girls"
Today G and I visited both of my surgeons.
We first met with my reconstructive surgeon Dr. Ferguson. He asked me if I had taken a peek under the bandages. I told him I didn't think I was quite ready for that yet. I knew I had said goodbye to my old "gals" but didn't think I was emotionally strong enough to see my new "mounds". He told me then to close my eyes and I didn't need to look. He removed the bandages and I watched G's face to see his reaction. I was a little worried for him because I think he was more attached to the old "gals" than I was. I could see the surprise and relief on his face and knew that it couldn't be that bad. We were happily surprised that there was only one incision on each breast about 3-4 inches long. It was also nice to see that the reconstruction process had begun and Dr. Ferguson mentioned how good the "mounds" were doing.
We were glad that I was doing well enough that he could remove one of my drains from each side and he was also able to add an additional 60 cc's to each tissue expander.
One of the hard parts about this situation is my inability to keep my level of physical fitness where it was before my surgery because I can't exercise yet. But because I had worked so hard over the last couple of years and am in pretty good shape, the Dr. has asked if I would be willing to allow them to take pictures each step of the process so he can use them as he consults with other patients about their options and he can show them how they can expect their experience to go. I feel good that he would ask me because it means that he believes my situation will end up well. I will continue to see Dr. Ferguson weekly.
G and I then went and had some lunch before our appointment with Dr. Rasmussen who did the mastectomy so he could check on my progress and go over the operation and my pathology report.
Dr. Rasmussen let G and I know that after the surgery he was certain that our decision to do the mastectomy was the right one. He was really pleased with my progress.
As we went over the pathology report I was excited to hear that he thought the surgery was certainly a success. There were two cancerous tumors removed along with all the breast tissue. The larger of the two was 0.9 cm and the smaller was 0.5. Both of them were relatively small. I'm so glad I caught it as early as I did. He also mentioned again that the lymph nodes that were removed and tested were clear and there was no evidence of cancerous cells in them. The only thing that caused him concern was that there was evidence that one of the tumors was intravenously invasive, meaning that some of it had gotten into a small portion of my veins. This is why I'm still going to have to deal with chemotherapy.
They have staged the cancer as stage 1 with intravenous invasive so it is borderline stage 2. Still sounds a little scary but that is also good news. It could have been so much worse.
The next step is to meet with the medical oncologist and discuss further treatment.
The news we received today was good and it was nice to be leaving the hospital feeling better than when we got there this morning. I left lighter on my feet and an itsy, bitsy bit heavier in the chest.
Hugs and Kisses all around.
Chandy
We first met with my reconstructive surgeon Dr. Ferguson. He asked me if I had taken a peek under the bandages. I told him I didn't think I was quite ready for that yet. I knew I had said goodbye to my old "gals" but didn't think I was emotionally strong enough to see my new "mounds". He told me then to close my eyes and I didn't need to look. He removed the bandages and I watched G's face to see his reaction. I was a little worried for him because I think he was more attached to the old "gals" than I was. I could see the surprise and relief on his face and knew that it couldn't be that bad. We were happily surprised that there was only one incision on each breast about 3-4 inches long. It was also nice to see that the reconstruction process had begun and Dr. Ferguson mentioned how good the "mounds" were doing.
We were glad that I was doing well enough that he could remove one of my drains from each side and he was also able to add an additional 60 cc's to each tissue expander.
One of the hard parts about this situation is my inability to keep my level of physical fitness where it was before my surgery because I can't exercise yet. But because I had worked so hard over the last couple of years and am in pretty good shape, the Dr. has asked if I would be willing to allow them to take pictures each step of the process so he can use them as he consults with other patients about their options and he can show them how they can expect their experience to go. I feel good that he would ask me because it means that he believes my situation will end up well. I will continue to see Dr. Ferguson weekly.
G and I then went and had some lunch before our appointment with Dr. Rasmussen who did the mastectomy so he could check on my progress and go over the operation and my pathology report.
Dr. Rasmussen let G and I know that after the surgery he was certain that our decision to do the mastectomy was the right one. He was really pleased with my progress.
As we went over the pathology report I was excited to hear that he thought the surgery was certainly a success. There were two cancerous tumors removed along with all the breast tissue. The larger of the two was 0.9 cm and the smaller was 0.5. Both of them were relatively small. I'm so glad I caught it as early as I did. He also mentioned again that the lymph nodes that were removed and tested were clear and there was no evidence of cancerous cells in them. The only thing that caused him concern was that there was evidence that one of the tumors was intravenously invasive, meaning that some of it had gotten into a small portion of my veins. This is why I'm still going to have to deal with chemotherapy.
They have staged the cancer as stage 1 with intravenous invasive so it is borderline stage 2. Still sounds a little scary but that is also good news. It could have been so much worse.
The next step is to meet with the medical oncologist and discuss further treatment.
The news we received today was good and it was nice to be leaving the hospital feeling better than when we got there this morning. I left lighter on my feet and an itsy, bitsy bit heavier in the chest.
Hugs and Kisses all around.
Chandy
Over the River, continued....
Friday morning came and I was still pretty sore. I really didn't sleep too well because I can't lay flat or on my side. I have to sleep halfway leaning up. The pain meds helped some and it was actually kind of nice to take a day and just relax and try to recover. Special thanks to my mom and sisters who came to take care of me.
I also want to thank our ward Relief Society. They have done so much. We have had so much food delivered we could have fed a third world country with some of it.
I was sorry that I had to miss Brett's football team banquet. I was so looking forward to having a fun night with them as they celebrated a very successful season. The kids on Brett's team were such good kids. I am still so touched every time I think of them playing their hearts out with little pink circle stickers on the back of their helmets. One of the parents on the team took the coolest picture of them celebrating after the game and you can see the pink stickers there. G says that the banquet was a lot of fun and each of the boys received a framed action shot of them during the games.
A number of the mom's on the team put together a basket of gifts for me that was so thoughtful. They gave me lotion, pink bootie slippers and some comfy pajamas. I have already worn the pajamas and they are absolutely perfect. The players on the team all signed a get well card for me and I love the things they wrote. What good kids!
Saturday was a good day. I was feeling well enough to get out of the house and get some fresh air. My mom took me to Fantastic Sams and I got my hair washed and styled and I felt so much better. Then she took me to lunch. It was so nice to get out. Later that night I went with G and Dustin to his basketball practice at the Dimple Dell Rec Center. We watched Dusty play while we walked around the elevated track. I'm glad I'm able to walk some but it was a little irritating that I was done after a couple of laps when I've ran 5 and 6 miles on that very track only a couple weeks ago. Talk about a setback!
I wasn't able to go to church on Sunday and G stayed home to look after me. We were able to get out and walk about half a mile. It pretty well sapped my strength but I think I'm progressing...baby steps.
As we were walking back from the park a car pulled up and the windows came down and I saw a car full of beautiful young girls from my primary! I was so excited to see them but I wondered why they weren't in class. Hmmmm and their primary teacher was driving. They were so nice and asked how I was doing and told me they loved me. They also said when you get home there will be six little surprises on your doorstep.
I hurried at my snail-like pace where for once I'm slower than G, and I saw six hand decorated sugar cookies individually wrapped from these sweet angels. G and I sat down and read their thoughtful messages of faith, courage and strength. I don't think these girls know how this impacts my life and how it lifts my spirits. Thank you, thank you, thank you to these girls and Sis Bodel!
I was pooped out from the incredible distance we had traveled, so I went upstairs to rest. It was time for G to strip my drain lines and empty the fluid from my drains. He has done this morning and night since I got home from the hospital. It's not a pleasant job but he doesn't complain. He is still my little "yes man" and takes good care of me.
While I was resting we heard voices outside our windows from our front yard. We were expecting our boys to be home from church so we assumed it was them. G went down to the front door to let them in and he couldn't believe the crowd of children in our front yard sticking little pink heart signs all over our lawn and taping them to our front door. He called me down the stairs and told me I needed to come look outside. I had butterflies in my stomach because I didn't know what to expect. As soon as I came down the door was open and I could see the yard full of my primary kids and they began to sing "I am a Child of God"! I was immediately overcome with emotion, but I had to hold it in because it hurts to cry. I sat down on the first step of our porch to catch my breath and just enjoyed the sweet sound of these angelic children singing to me. Some of them were as teary eyed as me!
Each primary child had made a sign with a personal message for me. When they were done I blew them kisses and told them I couldn't hug them yet but I would soon and thanked them for what they had done. Special thanks also to their teachers and the other members of my presidency for helping them do this.
I was also thankful that a lot of the members of Gary's family came to visit. However, after about 45 minutes of visiting with them I got awful woozy and as much as I was enjoying their visit I didn't want to pass out in front of them. I excused myself and went back upstairs to rest. Thank you for coming to visit me and also thank you for the flowers, balloons and goodies. It's so nice to see you.
Monday was a day of recovery. It was rest and relaxation. It was percocets, antibiotics and sleep and then repeat. That pretty well covers the whole day. I think I may have overdone it on Saturday and Sunday.
Next step. Meeting with Dr. Rasmussen and Dr. Ferguson on Tuesday morning.
Chandy
I also want to thank our ward Relief Society. They have done so much. We have had so much food delivered we could have fed a third world country with some of it.
I was sorry that I had to miss Brett's football team banquet. I was so looking forward to having a fun night with them as they celebrated a very successful season. The kids on Brett's team were such good kids. I am still so touched every time I think of them playing their hearts out with little pink circle stickers on the back of their helmets. One of the parents on the team took the coolest picture of them celebrating after the game and you can see the pink stickers there. G says that the banquet was a lot of fun and each of the boys received a framed action shot of them during the games.
A number of the mom's on the team put together a basket of gifts for me that was so thoughtful. They gave me lotion, pink bootie slippers and some comfy pajamas. I have already worn the pajamas and they are absolutely perfect. The players on the team all signed a get well card for me and I love the things they wrote. What good kids!
Saturday was a good day. I was feeling well enough to get out of the house and get some fresh air. My mom took me to Fantastic Sams and I got my hair washed and styled and I felt so much better. Then she took me to lunch. It was so nice to get out. Later that night I went with G and Dustin to his basketball practice at the Dimple Dell Rec Center. We watched Dusty play while we walked around the elevated track. I'm glad I'm able to walk some but it was a little irritating that I was done after a couple of laps when I've ran 5 and 6 miles on that very track only a couple weeks ago. Talk about a setback!
I wasn't able to go to church on Sunday and G stayed home to look after me. We were able to get out and walk about half a mile. It pretty well sapped my strength but I think I'm progressing...baby steps.
As we were walking back from the park a car pulled up and the windows came down and I saw a car full of beautiful young girls from my primary! I was so excited to see them but I wondered why they weren't in class. Hmmmm and their primary teacher was driving. They were so nice and asked how I was doing and told me they loved me. They also said when you get home there will be six little surprises on your doorstep.
I hurried at my snail-like pace where for once I'm slower than G, and I saw six hand decorated sugar cookies individually wrapped from these sweet angels. G and I sat down and read their thoughtful messages of faith, courage and strength. I don't think these girls know how this impacts my life and how it lifts my spirits. Thank you, thank you, thank you to these girls and Sis Bodel!
I was pooped out from the incredible distance we had traveled, so I went upstairs to rest. It was time for G to strip my drain lines and empty the fluid from my drains. He has done this morning and night since I got home from the hospital. It's not a pleasant job but he doesn't complain. He is still my little "yes man" and takes good care of me.
While I was resting we heard voices outside our windows from our front yard. We were expecting our boys to be home from church so we assumed it was them. G went down to the front door to let them in and he couldn't believe the crowd of children in our front yard sticking little pink heart signs all over our lawn and taping them to our front door. He called me down the stairs and told me I needed to come look outside. I had butterflies in my stomach because I didn't know what to expect. As soon as I came down the door was open and I could see the yard full of my primary kids and they began to sing "I am a Child of God"! I was immediately overcome with emotion, but I had to hold it in because it hurts to cry. I sat down on the first step of our porch to catch my breath and just enjoyed the sweet sound of these angelic children singing to me. Some of them were as teary eyed as me!
Each primary child had made a sign with a personal message for me. When they were done I blew them kisses and told them I couldn't hug them yet but I would soon and thanked them for what they had done. Special thanks also to their teachers and the other members of my presidency for helping them do this.
I was also thankful that a lot of the members of Gary's family came to visit. However, after about 45 minutes of visiting with them I got awful woozy and as much as I was enjoying their visit I didn't want to pass out in front of them. I excused myself and went back upstairs to rest. Thank you for coming to visit me and also thank you for the flowers, balloons and goodies. It's so nice to see you.
Monday was a day of recovery. It was rest and relaxation. It was percocets, antibiotics and sleep and then repeat. That pretty well covers the whole day. I think I may have overdone it on Saturday and Sunday.
Next step. Meeting with Dr. Rasmussen and Dr. Ferguson on Tuesday morning.
Chandy
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Over the River!
I sing the song "To Grandmother's House" all the time. It says "Over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh, in the bright and drifting snow!" So I feel like we have gone over the river and we are getting closer to defeating "The Beast!" Just a trip through the woods left. It may be an awful dark woods at times but at least I'm over the river and the trip is under way.
So it is my turn to give you a recap of the past couple of days. Hopefully it isn't just a bunch of rambling because I can't seem to concentrate when I am on pain meds.
On Tuesday night I had to say goodbye to my old self. It was very painful. I like me.
I was ready for the process of getting rid of breast cancer to start, but when it came down to being so close I really was terrified. I have done a lot of studying but there is still so much of the unknown and I knew that from Wednesday on I was never ever going to be the same again.
I know that beauty is not just skin deep but it is still a big part of who I'm trying to become. These past couple of years I have spent countless hours in the gym to get my body back into pre-baby shape. I knew that I was going to lose the toned body that I had. Yes, G took some great photos of me so I can remember and have a goal that one day I am going to have that body back. It will be great motivation to pull me through. We did get to bed late and after many tears, hugs and kisses from G I finally fell asleep. I thought that right now I am frightened, vulnerable and shaky and that is who I am saying goodbye too. I am going to become stronger, more compassionate and better than ever!
So we arrived at IMC at 7:30 a.m. They had me change into the hottest hospital gown and pants. Not really in fact they were so big I had to hold them up every time I would walk so I wouldn't trip on them. The nurse put a hot pink tag on my right wrist that said, "Do not use this limb." That's because of the sentinel lymph node injection they do on the right breast so I cannot have an IV or blood drawn from that side. A little fact I didn't know about but man my left arm has more pricks than I ever expected.
At 9:00 they took me down to the Breast Care Center for the Injection of Dye. This guy came in the room and said, "Hi, my name is Doug and I am here from Nuclear Medicine." Ok, I was starting to get woozy. What are they injecting into me? And he said that after the injection he will check the room to make sure that no radioactive dye leaked into the air. So its safe to inject into you but no one can breath it!
Dr. Parkinson was going to do the procedure. He is the Head of Radiology at the Breast Care Center, so I felt good about that. He also took extra precaution not to puncture my implant, which I told him didn't matter, it was coming out in a couple of hours anyway. At that point I thought hmmm, I should have had a farewell party to my implants it has been a great 6 years! G has definitely got his moneys worth! Oh well, I am having reconstruction after all. I will be stronger, more compassionate and better than ever! So they inject the dye directly into the breast and then I was off to wait in the waiting room. It takes approximately 90 minutes for the dye to reach the lymph nodes they were going to test. It was nice to wait with G and my parents. It helped keep me relaxed.
Just before they took me to surgery, Dr. Ferguson came in to make some markings. I didn't really think I was nervous but as he was marking me the sweat from my arm pits was rolling down my arms and dripping onto the floor. It made me giggle and I apologized to Dr. Ferguson saying that he was going to have to clean up my sweat before they could operate.
And then I was off. Earlier that morning the nurse told me that the anesthesiologist was Dr. Rideout and I didn't think much about it until I saw this Dr. walk into the hall who looked just like a kid I grew up with. And sure enough it was Mr. Benji Rideout that grew up down the street from me. And as I remembered he was quite the goof ball and now he is going to be the one to put me to sleep? Crap I hope he got good grades in college! As soon as I told him who I was, he went and got Dr. Rasmussen and Dr. Ferguson and told them that we grew up together. Both the doctors told me that they needed some good stories to razz Benji about. I guess they like to tease each other. I hope they didn't do this while I was out of it on the surgery table. Nevertheless, I felt very confident in all of the doctors and nurses that were going to operate on me. I knew I couldn't have picked a better more well educated and experienced group of doctors. Once I got onto the surgery table I felt the medicine burn in my arm and Goodnight. That was it.
The next thing I remember, I was in the recovery room and I was so hot and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The nurse was feeding me ice chips but I couldn't shake the feeling that I couldn't breathe. Even Dr. Rideout tried to calm my fears and Dr. Ferguson (reconstructive surgeon) pulled off my socks for me and massaged my feet and legs to try and help me, but I was certain I was going to suffocate. I hate anxiety.
I must have gone to sleep for awhile again because when I came to I was in my hospital room asking G to wipe the tears from my face. I'd been crying. I was still fighting the anxiety a little. It was so good to see G and my mom and dad, that helped with the anxiety like crazy. I don't think G left the side of my bed for at least the next couple of hours. I knew that everything would be ok. I remember asking Gary what was the story with the lymph nodes and I was so glad that he said they were clean! I was also excited that my gene test came back negative! I was extremely happy that my sisters were a lot less likely to have to deal with this same situation.
The other thing I remember well was the pain. I hurt. For the most part, the nurses and their assistants were very helpful. They tried to manage the pain as best they could. The thing that was rough was the nausea. The first time I tried to sit up I got so nauseous that I knew I was going to throw up so I yelled at G (who was the only one in the room). He scrambled and found a garbage can which I made good use of. I spent the better part of that night and the next morning throwing up every time I got up. Ugh! Thankfully, Cindy, the CNA (certified nurse assistant) was a sweetheart and would hold my hair and wipe my face each time. She also calmed my fears after my first trip to the potty because my urine was BLUE! Side effect from the nuclear goods that I was injected with.
I decided that I really wanted to see my boys even though I may not look wonderful and I may not be feeling 100%. I wanted them to see that their mom was doing OK and that everything would be fine. My brother Dirt and his wife Hillary were watching the boys and they were nice enough to bring them by. I could see the worry in their faces but they seemed to enjoy the short visit.
You can see that the first night after the surgery wasn't pleasant. It basically was pain, throw up, blue pee, anxiety. Thanks to my Mom and Dad and G. G spent the night with me so he could help. He slept on a makeshift bed/couch. He was there to help me but I think I heard him snoring while I was making yet another nauseating trip to the restroom with Cindy. He sure seemed to be resting well!
I already hate mornings. So I wasn't too happy to see an early parade of Dr's, residents, nurses with their assistants and such. This parade began at 5am. I just wanted to sleep. They also brought me a breakfast with eggs...Eggs! After a night of throwing up it wasn't a welcome sight so I stuck with small mouth fulls of red jello.
I was surprised to see my OB/Gyn Dr. Jeffrey Barton. He's the best. Our family has known him and his father forever. His Father delivered me and all my siblings along with my sons Cody and Brett. After he passed away, his son Jeffrey delivered my two younger sons Dustin and Matt and has been taking care of me ever since. He was the one who had to give me the unfortunate news of the results of my original biopsy. He stopped by to check on me and see how I was doing. It was so nice to see someone who I trust completely. He reassured me that the Dr's who were taking care of me were the best and I certainly agree.
Dr. Ferguson also stopped by to see how I was doing. He explained about how well the surgery had gone. He also talked about the tubes that I have installed and explained how G needs to strip the lines and drain them for me at least twice a day. I was anxious to go home and he said that would be possible after I was able to keep my lunch down and jello didn't count.
Lunch came and it was like Thanksgiving, turkey, mashed potatoes and vegetables. It was actually pretty good for hospital food. The nurse came in and let me know we would wait a couple of hours to make sure it stayed down. I also needed to keep in my IV for a little longer to make sure I was well hydrated.
I had my mother with me and decided that she could take me home. I had G take the boys to the state playoff game between alta and syracuse so they could have a little fun. They had a blast and I finally got home just fine. We left the hospital at about 3:30 and I got home a little after 4pm.
I was so touched when I got home to see that my sisters and my neighbor and their kids had tied pink ribbons and bows throughout our yard. They tied them to the mailbox, branches, trees and anything else that they could reach. They even tied a pink ribbon to our Pittsburgh Steeler yard gnome.
Above all else, It was good to be home!
I'm feeling a little spent now so I think I will post about the last couple of days tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone for everything.
Chandy
So it is my turn to give you a recap of the past couple of days. Hopefully it isn't just a bunch of rambling because I can't seem to concentrate when I am on pain meds.
On Tuesday night I had to say goodbye to my old self. It was very painful. I like me.
I was ready for the process of getting rid of breast cancer to start, but when it came down to being so close I really was terrified. I have done a lot of studying but there is still so much of the unknown and I knew that from Wednesday on I was never ever going to be the same again.
I know that beauty is not just skin deep but it is still a big part of who I'm trying to become. These past couple of years I have spent countless hours in the gym to get my body back into pre-baby shape. I knew that I was going to lose the toned body that I had. Yes, G took some great photos of me so I can remember and have a goal that one day I am going to have that body back. It will be great motivation to pull me through. We did get to bed late and after many tears, hugs and kisses from G I finally fell asleep. I thought that right now I am frightened, vulnerable and shaky and that is who I am saying goodbye too. I am going to become stronger, more compassionate and better than ever!
So we arrived at IMC at 7:30 a.m. They had me change into the hottest hospital gown and pants. Not really in fact they were so big I had to hold them up every time I would walk so I wouldn't trip on them. The nurse put a hot pink tag on my right wrist that said, "Do not use this limb." That's because of the sentinel lymph node injection they do on the right breast so I cannot have an IV or blood drawn from that side. A little fact I didn't know about but man my left arm has more pricks than I ever expected.
At 9:00 they took me down to the Breast Care Center for the Injection of Dye. This guy came in the room and said, "Hi, my name is Doug and I am here from Nuclear Medicine." Ok, I was starting to get woozy. What are they injecting into me? And he said that after the injection he will check the room to make sure that no radioactive dye leaked into the air. So its safe to inject into you but no one can breath it!
Dr. Parkinson was going to do the procedure. He is the Head of Radiology at the Breast Care Center, so I felt good about that. He also took extra precaution not to puncture my implant, which I told him didn't matter, it was coming out in a couple of hours anyway. At that point I thought hmmm, I should have had a farewell party to my implants it has been a great 6 years! G has definitely got his moneys worth! Oh well, I am having reconstruction after all. I will be stronger, more compassionate and better than ever! So they inject the dye directly into the breast and then I was off to wait in the waiting room. It takes approximately 90 minutes for the dye to reach the lymph nodes they were going to test. It was nice to wait with G and my parents. It helped keep me relaxed.
Just before they took me to surgery, Dr. Ferguson came in to make some markings. I didn't really think I was nervous but as he was marking me the sweat from my arm pits was rolling down my arms and dripping onto the floor. It made me giggle and I apologized to Dr. Ferguson saying that he was going to have to clean up my sweat before they could operate.
And then I was off. Earlier that morning the nurse told me that the anesthesiologist was Dr. Rideout and I didn't think much about it until I saw this Dr. walk into the hall who looked just like a kid I grew up with. And sure enough it was Mr. Benji Rideout that grew up down the street from me. And as I remembered he was quite the goof ball and now he is going to be the one to put me to sleep? Crap I hope he got good grades in college! As soon as I told him who I was, he went and got Dr. Rasmussen and Dr. Ferguson and told them that we grew up together. Both the doctors told me that they needed some good stories to razz Benji about. I guess they like to tease each other. I hope they didn't do this while I was out of it on the surgery table. Nevertheless, I felt very confident in all of the doctors and nurses that were going to operate on me. I knew I couldn't have picked a better more well educated and experienced group of doctors. Once I got onto the surgery table I felt the medicine burn in my arm and Goodnight. That was it.
The next thing I remember, I was in the recovery room and I was so hot and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The nurse was feeding me ice chips but I couldn't shake the feeling that I couldn't breathe. Even Dr. Rideout tried to calm my fears and Dr. Ferguson (reconstructive surgeon) pulled off my socks for me and massaged my feet and legs to try and help me, but I was certain I was going to suffocate. I hate anxiety.
I must have gone to sleep for awhile again because when I came to I was in my hospital room asking G to wipe the tears from my face. I'd been crying. I was still fighting the anxiety a little. It was so good to see G and my mom and dad, that helped with the anxiety like crazy. I don't think G left the side of my bed for at least the next couple of hours. I knew that everything would be ok. I remember asking Gary what was the story with the lymph nodes and I was so glad that he said they were clean! I was also excited that my gene test came back negative! I was extremely happy that my sisters were a lot less likely to have to deal with this same situation.
The other thing I remember well was the pain. I hurt. For the most part, the nurses and their assistants were very helpful. They tried to manage the pain as best they could. The thing that was rough was the nausea. The first time I tried to sit up I got so nauseous that I knew I was going to throw up so I yelled at G (who was the only one in the room). He scrambled and found a garbage can which I made good use of. I spent the better part of that night and the next morning throwing up every time I got up. Ugh! Thankfully, Cindy, the CNA (certified nurse assistant) was a sweetheart and would hold my hair and wipe my face each time. She also calmed my fears after my first trip to the potty because my urine was BLUE! Side effect from the nuclear goods that I was injected with.
I decided that I really wanted to see my boys even though I may not look wonderful and I may not be feeling 100%. I wanted them to see that their mom was doing OK and that everything would be fine. My brother Dirt and his wife Hillary were watching the boys and they were nice enough to bring them by. I could see the worry in their faces but they seemed to enjoy the short visit.
You can see that the first night after the surgery wasn't pleasant. It basically was pain, throw up, blue pee, anxiety. Thanks to my Mom and Dad and G. G spent the night with me so he could help. He slept on a makeshift bed/couch. He was there to help me but I think I heard him snoring while I was making yet another nauseating trip to the restroom with Cindy. He sure seemed to be resting well!
I already hate mornings. So I wasn't too happy to see an early parade of Dr's, residents, nurses with their assistants and such. This parade began at 5am. I just wanted to sleep. They also brought me a breakfast with eggs...Eggs! After a night of throwing up it wasn't a welcome sight so I stuck with small mouth fulls of red jello.
I was surprised to see my OB/Gyn Dr. Jeffrey Barton. He's the best. Our family has known him and his father forever. His Father delivered me and all my siblings along with my sons Cody and Brett. After he passed away, his son Jeffrey delivered my two younger sons Dustin and Matt and has been taking care of me ever since. He was the one who had to give me the unfortunate news of the results of my original biopsy. He stopped by to check on me and see how I was doing. It was so nice to see someone who I trust completely. He reassured me that the Dr's who were taking care of me were the best and I certainly agree.
Dr. Ferguson also stopped by to see how I was doing. He explained about how well the surgery had gone. He also talked about the tubes that I have installed and explained how G needs to strip the lines and drain them for me at least twice a day. I was anxious to go home and he said that would be possible after I was able to keep my lunch down and jello didn't count.
Lunch came and it was like Thanksgiving, turkey, mashed potatoes and vegetables. It was actually pretty good for hospital food. The nurse came in and let me know we would wait a couple of hours to make sure it stayed down. I also needed to keep in my IV for a little longer to make sure I was well hydrated.
I had my mother with me and decided that she could take me home. I had G take the boys to the state playoff game between alta and syracuse so they could have a little fun. They had a blast and I finally got home just fine. We left the hospital at about 3:30 and I got home a little after 4pm.
I was so touched when I got home to see that my sisters and my neighbor and their kids had tied pink ribbons and bows throughout our yard. They tied them to the mailbox, branches, trees and anything else that they could reach. They even tied a pink ribbon to our Pittsburgh Steeler yard gnome.
Above all else, It was good to be home!
I'm feeling a little spent now so I think I will post about the last couple of days tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone for everything.
Chandy
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
What a day...
We are in Chandy's room now and she's finally resting pretty comfortably. That's one tough chick.
It's been a long day but I know that there are a lot of you who need to know where things stand. So here we go.
Last night was a little tough for Chandy. It's a crazy mixture of relief that the day has finally come to start taking care of the problem and yet it's also kind of scarey. We didn't get to bed until about 1am because (if you know Chandy this won't surprise you) the house had to be in order, the laundry had to be done, the kitchen sink had to be empty and the boys' lives for the next two weeks had to be typed out in excruciating detail for those who were helping us take care of them.
Even when our heads hit the pillows it took some time to go to sleep because there were some tears and some time spent talking and praying.
We were up by 6am to make sure the boys were up and getting ready for school. Grandma came over to help and we were out the door by 7. Before we left, I took some hot pics of Chandy in her bikini showing off her buff bod so she could hang them up in our room (in a discreet place) as a goal for where she wants to be after this is dealt with. She is ripped and I felt myself involuntarily sucking in my gut in embarassment.
After getting checked in, she went to radiology to get an injection which would track the flow of fluid from the affected breast to the lymph node. She had to wait about an hour and a half for it to take effect before the surgery began. Her surgery was scheduled for 10:30am but she didn't get in until a little after 11. They told us the surgery would take about 4 hours.
Bill and Jackie came and spent the day in the waiting room with me. I got to know that waiting room very well and there wasn't a comfortable chair to be found. While we were waiting there the anesthesiologist (sp?) came to talk to us because it just so happens that he's known Chandy since they were kids...Benji Rideout...small world.
After what seemed like a week, Dr. Rasmussen called us to the consultation room and said that the surgery went well. As you probably read in the previous post, he gave us the good news that her lymph nodes were clean. They removed the lymph nodes which drain the breast tissue affected and tested them and because the test was negative they didn't need to remove any additional nodes. There is still some testing to be done on them to be sure but what a wonderful piece of information! I was worried that I might start sobbing like a little girl with relief but I managed to bury that somewhere deep inside. He also mentioned that he got the results of her BRCA gene (breast cancer gene) test and they were negative. Another wonderful piece of information and another urge to sob buried deep.
We waited about an hour and a half while the reconstructive surgeon did his magic and then we were back in the consultation room with him as he explained how well the first steps of the reconstruction process went.
Typically the patients need about an hour to recover and come out of the anesthesia. Apparently Chandy had an anxiety attack during the process and had to receive some additional medication that lengthened the time it took for her to move to her room in the hospital.
We ended up waiting for about 2 1/2 hours. Towards the end I began to be a little worried and frustrated. I was a little irritated that they wouldn't let me see her while she was battling this anxiety situation because I thought I might be able to help.
After awhile...and after I pestered the nurse again...she told me that "Mrs. Bronson" was doing better and was probably well enough to be moved to a room but that they didn't have one at the moment. The nurse then vacated the info booth in the waiting room and told everyone in the room that if the phone rang at her desk that one of us needed to answer it because it would be for someone in the room...my healthcare dollars at work.
After about another ten minutes without any additional information I told a passing nurse that I needed her to check on "Mrs. Bronson" and that we'd been waiting for an eternity. She said she would. As I was fighting the urge to put a foot thru the door separating my wife and I, the phone at the absent nurse's desk rang and I answered it and I'll be darned but my wife was ready and so was her room!
She was still quite groggy and a little anxious but she's feeling a lot better now. Her pain is a little more than we'd hoped but she's doing well. I did have the opportunity to tell her the good news about her lymph nodes and her gene test and she even cracked a sleepy little smile. The best part was that she was so groggy that she kept forgetting that the question had already been asked and answered so I got to give her the good news about five times and everytime I got the same sleepy little grin. That was awesome.
She wanted the boys to come and see her. It meant that they'll hit the sack a little late tonight but they were certainly glad to see that their mother was doing ok and it also did wonders to pick up her spirits.
I believe we are beginning to see the fruits of the prayers, faith and fasting.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
G
It's been a long day but I know that there are a lot of you who need to know where things stand. So here we go.
Last night was a little tough for Chandy. It's a crazy mixture of relief that the day has finally come to start taking care of the problem and yet it's also kind of scarey. We didn't get to bed until about 1am because (if you know Chandy this won't surprise you) the house had to be in order, the laundry had to be done, the kitchen sink had to be empty and the boys' lives for the next two weeks had to be typed out in excruciating detail for those who were helping us take care of them.
Even when our heads hit the pillows it took some time to go to sleep because there were some tears and some time spent talking and praying.
We were up by 6am to make sure the boys were up and getting ready for school. Grandma came over to help and we were out the door by 7. Before we left, I took some hot pics of Chandy in her bikini showing off her buff bod so she could hang them up in our room (in a discreet place) as a goal for where she wants to be after this is dealt with. She is ripped and I felt myself involuntarily sucking in my gut in embarassment.
After getting checked in, she went to radiology to get an injection which would track the flow of fluid from the affected breast to the lymph node. She had to wait about an hour and a half for it to take effect before the surgery began. Her surgery was scheduled for 10:30am but she didn't get in until a little after 11. They told us the surgery would take about 4 hours.
Bill and Jackie came and spent the day in the waiting room with me. I got to know that waiting room very well and there wasn't a comfortable chair to be found. While we were waiting there the anesthesiologist (sp?) came to talk to us because it just so happens that he's known Chandy since they were kids...Benji Rideout...small world.
After what seemed like a week, Dr. Rasmussen called us to the consultation room and said that the surgery went well. As you probably read in the previous post, he gave us the good news that her lymph nodes were clean. They removed the lymph nodes which drain the breast tissue affected and tested them and because the test was negative they didn't need to remove any additional nodes. There is still some testing to be done on them to be sure but what a wonderful piece of information! I was worried that I might start sobbing like a little girl with relief but I managed to bury that somewhere deep inside. He also mentioned that he got the results of her BRCA gene (breast cancer gene) test and they were negative. Another wonderful piece of information and another urge to sob buried deep.
We waited about an hour and a half while the reconstructive surgeon did his magic and then we were back in the consultation room with him as he explained how well the first steps of the reconstruction process went.
Typically the patients need about an hour to recover and come out of the anesthesia. Apparently Chandy had an anxiety attack during the process and had to receive some additional medication that lengthened the time it took for her to move to her room in the hospital.
We ended up waiting for about 2 1/2 hours. Towards the end I began to be a little worried and frustrated. I was a little irritated that they wouldn't let me see her while she was battling this anxiety situation because I thought I might be able to help.
After awhile...and after I pestered the nurse again...she told me that "Mrs. Bronson" was doing better and was probably well enough to be moved to a room but that they didn't have one at the moment. The nurse then vacated the info booth in the waiting room and told everyone in the room that if the phone rang at her desk that one of us needed to answer it because it would be for someone in the room...my healthcare dollars at work.
After about another ten minutes without any additional information I told a passing nurse that I needed her to check on "Mrs. Bronson" and that we'd been waiting for an eternity. She said she would. As I was fighting the urge to put a foot thru the door separating my wife and I, the phone at the absent nurse's desk rang and I answered it and I'll be darned but my wife was ready and so was her room!
She was still quite groggy and a little anxious but she's feeling a lot better now. Her pain is a little more than we'd hoped but she's doing well. I did have the opportunity to tell her the good news about her lymph nodes and her gene test and she even cracked a sleepy little smile. The best part was that she was so groggy that she kept forgetting that the question had already been asked and answered so I got to give her the good news about five times and everytime I got the same sleepy little grin. That was awesome.
She wanted the boys to come and see her. It meant that they'll hit the sack a little late tonight but they were certainly glad to see that their mother was doing ok and it also did wonders to pick up her spirits.
I believe we are beginning to see the fruits of the prayers, faith and fasting.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
G
Hallelujah!
Wanted to get this out quickly.
Chandy's parents and I just met with her surgeon Dr. Rasmussen. He said the surgery went well and that Chandy is doing fine.
He also reported to us that her lymph nodes were CLEAN! She also got the results of her gene test and the results were NEGATIVE!
Fantastic news on both counts.
She'll be in reconstructive surgery for another hour and a half or so and then an hour of recovery and then I should be able to see her.
I can't wait to see her face when we give her the good news.
Thanks to everyone, especially Heavenly Father.
Stay tuned....
G
Chandy's parents and I just met with her surgeon Dr. Rasmussen. He said the surgery went well and that Chandy is doing fine.
He also reported to us that her lymph nodes were CLEAN! She also got the results of her gene test and the results were NEGATIVE!
Fantastic news on both counts.
She'll be in reconstructive surgery for another hour and a half or so and then an hour of recovery and then I should be able to see her.
I can't wait to see her face when we give her the good news.
Thanks to everyone, especially Heavenly Father.
Stay tuned....
G
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Surgery information
We found out the particulars on Chandy's surgery tomorrow...fyi...
We'll have Chandy at the hospital at 7:30. She reports to the radiologist at 9:00 and her surgery is scheduled to begin at 10:30. We have been told to expect about three hours for the surgery and an hour for her in recovery.
She will be spending the night. You are welcome to call my cell phone if you have questions concerning the outcome and whether or not it's ok to visit. I will be checking my messages often and I'll post on this blog as soon as I have some info and a minute to do it.
Please continue to pray for my wife and my family...especially tomorrow.
It's finally "go time". It's good to start taking positive steps to get this damn problem taken care of.
G
We'll have Chandy at the hospital at 7:30. She reports to the radiologist at 9:00 and her surgery is scheduled to begin at 10:30. We have been told to expect about three hours for the surgery and an hour for her in recovery.
She will be spending the night. You are welcome to call my cell phone if you have questions concerning the outcome and whether or not it's ok to visit. I will be checking my messages often and I'll post on this blog as soon as I have some info and a minute to do it.
Please continue to pray for my wife and my family...especially tomorrow.
It's finally "go time". It's good to start taking positive steps to get this damn problem taken care of.
G
Monday, November 10, 2008
Pink Out
This is Gary.
Wanted to let all you know that on Wednesday a lot of our family and friends are going to wear pink. We would love to have everyone take part even if you have to swallow your "tough guy pride". It's kind of a fun way to remember Chandy and It'll be a good reminder to us all to "weary" the Lord with our prayers on the day she undergoes her surgery.
As you can imagine she's getting nervous as the day gets closer. She's such a trooper.
Special thanks to Rob and Jen for taking us to dinner tonight. The whole situation was wearing on Chandy as she read one of her books trying to prepare herself for the ordeal ahead. She can only take some of that information in small doses because it can be overwhelming. The dinner was a nice relief from her worries. It's always nice to talk to close friends who can help you put things into perspective and remind you that though the entire struggle seems too great to overcome we can and should only worry about the single step ahead of us and then we'll worry about the next step once this one has been handled.
We should have the exact info on what time Chandy will have her surgery sometime tomorrow afternoon and I'll post it. Barring any complications, Chandy is only expected to spend one night in the hospital. Not sure if she'll feel up to seeing visitors while there but you are always welcome to call me on my cell to find out.
Thanks again for everything...really, thanks! You've all been amazing.
G
Wanted to let all you know that on Wednesday a lot of our family and friends are going to wear pink. We would love to have everyone take part even if you have to swallow your "tough guy pride". It's kind of a fun way to remember Chandy and It'll be a good reminder to us all to "weary" the Lord with our prayers on the day she undergoes her surgery.
As you can imagine she's getting nervous as the day gets closer. She's such a trooper.
Special thanks to Rob and Jen for taking us to dinner tonight. The whole situation was wearing on Chandy as she read one of her books trying to prepare herself for the ordeal ahead. She can only take some of that information in small doses because it can be overwhelming. The dinner was a nice relief from her worries. It's always nice to talk to close friends who can help you put things into perspective and remind you that though the entire struggle seems too great to overcome we can and should only worry about the single step ahead of us and then we'll worry about the next step once this one has been handled.
We should have the exact info on what time Chandy will have her surgery sometime tomorrow afternoon and I'll post it. Barring any complications, Chandy is only expected to spend one night in the hospital. Not sure if she'll feel up to seeing visitors while there but you are always welcome to call me on my cell to find out.
Thanks again for everything...really, thanks! You've all been amazing.
G
I am a Child of God Program
Wow! Sunday was such a wonderful and beautiful day. To start things off, the primary boy I told you about a few posts ago started off the program with a tribute/dedication to me. I had no idea they were going to do that. G had pink wristbands made for all the kids in primary. On one side it says my name and on the other is says "I believe." So he talked about how they wear the wristbands as a reminder for them to pray for my recovery. Ya so I started off the program with crying. You're not supposed to cry until its all over, but no not me, I am little miss emotional lately and cried through most of the program. It wasn't a good thing for me to be crying either because I was helping our chorister out with the posters and singing so all the primary children were watching me. I would hide my face behind the posters if I got to weepy so I wouldn't worry the kids.
Then after the dedication they sang "Holding Hands Around the World." As they sang they held hands and walked into the chapel and up onto the stand. All the children wore white and holy cow what a sight it was to see all these sweet and innocent little children holding hands and singing about the love they have for children all around the world. Our little Matty sang a duet with our little neighbor girl and they were the cutest things ever! I hope one day they get married and they can reminiscence about singing together when they were 5 years old. Yes I got a little teary eyed again. The remainder of the program went flawlessly and the spirit of the children radiated throughout everyone. We had so many people comment on a job well done. The closing song was "I Am a Child of God" I couldn't hold in my gushing flow of tears any longer. I cried so hard I finally sat down so I could compose myself and hope that the children would continue singing even though I was blubbering! They finished with beauty and class that only children know how to do.
At the end of the day we had our family prayer and explained to the boys what is going to happen this week. We told them they were going to have to step up and help out because things were going to be hard for the next little while. After we sent the boys to bed Brett came into my office and he had his hands full of money! A lot of money! Over $200 he has been saving. With tears in his sweet compassionate eyes he told me to take all of his money to help pay for the expenses of my cancer. He gave me the money and fell into my arms and just cried. I was so shocked by this sweet gesture I didn't even know what to do except hold him and cry with him. I gave the money back and reassured him that we were okay with the expenses and he didn't need to give me his hard earned money. He was reluctant to take the money back but finally did.
So the next big step is Wednesday. My surgery will last approximately 3 hours. I am sure G will post later that day about how things went.
Thank you to all of you for your continuous prayers and support. I couldn't get through a single day without all of the love I feel from each of you!
Then after the dedication they sang "Holding Hands Around the World." As they sang they held hands and walked into the chapel and up onto the stand. All the children wore white and holy cow what a sight it was to see all these sweet and innocent little children holding hands and singing about the love they have for children all around the world. Our little Matty sang a duet with our little neighbor girl and they were the cutest things ever! I hope one day they get married and they can reminiscence about singing together when they were 5 years old. Yes I got a little teary eyed again. The remainder of the program went flawlessly and the spirit of the children radiated throughout everyone. We had so many people comment on a job well done. The closing song was "I Am a Child of God" I couldn't hold in my gushing flow of tears any longer. I cried so hard I finally sat down so I could compose myself and hope that the children would continue singing even though I was blubbering! They finished with beauty and class that only children know how to do.
At the end of the day we had our family prayer and explained to the boys what is going to happen this week. We told them they were going to have to step up and help out because things were going to be hard for the next little while. After we sent the boys to bed Brett came into my office and he had his hands full of money! A lot of money! Over $200 he has been saving. With tears in his sweet compassionate eyes he told me to take all of his money to help pay for the expenses of my cancer. He gave me the money and fell into my arms and just cried. I was so shocked by this sweet gesture I didn't even know what to do except hold him and cry with him. I gave the money back and reassured him that we were okay with the expenses and he didn't need to give me his hard earned money. He was reluctant to take the money back but finally did.
So the next big step is Wednesday. My surgery will last approximately 3 hours. I am sure G will post later that day about how things went.
Thank you to all of you for your continuous prayers and support. I couldn't get through a single day without all of the love I feel from each of you!
Champions!
Yes, we came through in the clutch. Brett's team took care of business on Saturday and won the State Championship in their division. Brett did a great job as center and nose tackle and we won the game 18-13.
It's been a blast coaching this group of kids this year. The players wore a pink circle sticker on their helmets as a tribute to Chandy and I know it helped them. I wanted them to show Chandy what happens when we apply ourselves and battle to achieve a goal we want in life. I know that when things get difficult for her, she can look to the example these young men set for her and she'll be reminded that good things happen to good people when they fight the good fight.
Thanks to the Alta Crimson Bantam team for their success!
G
It's been a blast coaching this group of kids this year. The players wore a pink circle sticker on their helmets as a tribute to Chandy and I know it helped them. I wanted them to show Chandy what happens when we apply ourselves and battle to achieve a goal we want in life. I know that when things get difficult for her, she can look to the example these young men set for her and she'll be reminded that good things happen to good people when they fight the good fight.
Thanks to the Alta Crimson Bantam team for their success!
G
Saturday, November 8, 2008
We love Mom
Special thanks to Hillary Horman for the photos! She works magic. She's even able to make a group of young men (yes I also mean me) look as good as their Mother.
G
Friday, November 7, 2008
Football Game and Other Things
There are so many of you who want to come cheer Brett and his team on for their championship game tomorrow. So here are the details:
Kickoff- 1:30 PM
Opponent- Alta Gray
Location- West Hills Middle School, field #3
8270 So. Grizzly Way (5290 W.)
We would love to see a huge turnout to cheer the team on!
On another note, I would like to express my love and thanks to so many of you who have helped us out in any way. I am completely taken back by the outpouring of service and thoughtfulness of so many people!
Yesterday I went to lunch with my friends Cam and Em. Of course they wouldn't let me pay for lunch and despite my arguing they won! I also received the most beautiful pink breast cancer bracelet hand made by Cami. I was so touched and I will be wearing it everywhere so Cami you better make some more. I already have some people who want to buy one. Later that night I went to dinner with my sissy's, mom and GG to celebrate our sis-in-laws birthday. I was so touched by the sweet and thoughtful gifts they gave me, even though it wasn't me we were celebrating. The gifts they gave me were things to help bring me comfort in the upcoming months when I will be going through treatment. Just these little kind acts have really boosted my spirits!
Of course Mr. tough but sweet G is preparing our house so I will be comfortable. He installed a new sprinkle rain shower head with a hand held faucet so it is easier for me to shower. He also had a new couch delivered to put in our master bed tv room where I will be recovering so I can relax and be super cozy.
I have just a couple of more days before my surgery and I have complete confidence in the doctors that are going to take care of me. But I am worried about how I will feel and look? A big part of me is being a strong and feminine woman. Will that be gone once I have a mastectomy? I know that the next several months are going to be difficult but after all of my treatments then what? I can't help but feel and know, because so many have told me so, that things are going to work out in the end. I hope that I am still me when it is all done. This process has really had me digging deep into myself to find the strength I know I am going to need.
I love the reactions that I get from children. I got an email today from a wonderful friend who took her daughter somewhere that had a wishing well. I just copied and pasted it from her email....this is my good friend writing..."One more thought worth mentioning, Jada made a wish the day after the Sunday Fast, in a wishing well. Unprompted she said: 'I wish Matt's sister will be perfect.' It was the cutest thing ever. You are all in our constant thoughts and prayer.
Amy
I'm thankful she wants me to be perfect and I'm even more thankful that she thought I was Matt's sister!
My sweet little primary children are so concerned and it actually helps me when I comfort them and tell them that I am going to get better. They have such strong faith. I received a card from one of the girls that said she knew I was going to get better because she is praying for me. From my sweet niece who told me that it is scary putting your life in the hands of doctors but the knowledge and technology they have today will make me better. One of my friends who I haven't talked to in a while sent me a card thanking me for the blog because it was an inspiration to her. I have received over 3 dozen cards, letters and flowers! Wow! I can't believe it. The compassion from all of you has been incredible.
Thank you thank you and again...Hugs all around
Chandy
Kickoff- 1:30 PM
Opponent- Alta Gray
Location- West Hills Middle School, field #3
8270 So. Grizzly Way (5290 W.)
We would love to see a huge turnout to cheer the team on!
On another note, I would like to express my love and thanks to so many of you who have helped us out in any way. I am completely taken back by the outpouring of service and thoughtfulness of so many people!
Yesterday I went to lunch with my friends Cam and Em. Of course they wouldn't let me pay for lunch and despite my arguing they won! I also received the most beautiful pink breast cancer bracelet hand made by Cami. I was so touched and I will be wearing it everywhere so Cami you better make some more. I already have some people who want to buy one. Later that night I went to dinner with my sissy's, mom and GG to celebrate our sis-in-laws birthday. I was so touched by the sweet and thoughtful gifts they gave me, even though it wasn't me we were celebrating. The gifts they gave me were things to help bring me comfort in the upcoming months when I will be going through treatment. Just these little kind acts have really boosted my spirits!
Of course Mr. tough but sweet G is preparing our house so I will be comfortable. He installed a new sprinkle rain shower head with a hand held faucet so it is easier for me to shower. He also had a new couch delivered to put in our master bed tv room where I will be recovering so I can relax and be super cozy.
I have just a couple of more days before my surgery and I have complete confidence in the doctors that are going to take care of me. But I am worried about how I will feel and look? A big part of me is being a strong and feminine woman. Will that be gone once I have a mastectomy? I know that the next several months are going to be difficult but after all of my treatments then what? I can't help but feel and know, because so many have told me so, that things are going to work out in the end. I hope that I am still me when it is all done. This process has really had me digging deep into myself to find the strength I know I am going to need.
I love the reactions that I get from children. I got an email today from a wonderful friend who took her daughter somewhere that had a wishing well. I just copied and pasted it from her email....this is my good friend writing..."One more thought worth mentioning, Jada made a wish the day after the Sunday Fast, in a wishing well. Unprompted she said: 'I wish Matt's sister will be perfect.' It was the cutest thing ever. You are all in our constant thoughts and prayer.
Amy
I'm thankful she wants me to be perfect and I'm even more thankful that she thought I was Matt's sister!
My sweet little primary children are so concerned and it actually helps me when I comfort them and tell them that I am going to get better. They have such strong faith. I received a card from one of the girls that said she knew I was going to get better because she is praying for me. From my sweet niece who told me that it is scary putting your life in the hands of doctors but the knowledge and technology they have today will make me better. One of my friends who I haven't talked to in a while sent me a card thanking me for the blog because it was an inspiration to her. I have received over 3 dozen cards, letters and flowers! Wow! I can't believe it. The compassion from all of you has been incredible.
Thank you thank you and again...Hugs all around
Chandy
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Surgery scheduled...
I get to post today. We set the date for Chandy's surgery and I think it just got more real for Chandy. She's going to rest for a bit and I told her I'd take care of this.
So, we met with Dr.'s Rasmussen (main surgeon) and Ferguson (reconstructive surgeon) today to figure out exactly where we go from here.
Dr. Rasmussen talked with us about the results of the MRI. He said it did show that the area affected by the cancer is a little larger than what the mammogram showed but not extensively. He has recommended that Chandy have a mastectomy on her right breast. We still haven't received the results of Chandy's gene test but Chandy has decided that she's going to have a bi-lateral modified radical mastectomy. Sounds scarey. This means, of course, that she's going to lose both breasts. With her young age and her family history, we think this is the safest course. You can imagine that though she's not excited about the thought of that, she has the courage to do what is necessary.
The surgery is scheduled for Wednesday November 12th.
While Chandy is in surgery they will remove one group of lymph nodes and test them and if there aren't cancer cells present then they will stop there. If the cells are present then they'll take the others. The first steps of the reconstruction will also begin in the same surgery.
As we thought before, part of her treatment is going to involve chemotherapy, radiation and hormone therapy.
We know it's going to be tough going for awhile. I'm still thankful for having a tough wife with the support system around her that she has.
The meetings yesterday were fantastic! What a great experience for her. As you can see in her last post, it was a wonderful time for her. She feels your prayers, love and support. Please continue....as if I have to ask.
Gary
So, we met with Dr.'s Rasmussen (main surgeon) and Ferguson (reconstructive surgeon) today to figure out exactly where we go from here.
Dr. Rasmussen talked with us about the results of the MRI. He said it did show that the area affected by the cancer is a little larger than what the mammogram showed but not extensively. He has recommended that Chandy have a mastectomy on her right breast. We still haven't received the results of Chandy's gene test but Chandy has decided that she's going to have a bi-lateral modified radical mastectomy. Sounds scarey. This means, of course, that she's going to lose both breasts. With her young age and her family history, we think this is the safest course. You can imagine that though she's not excited about the thought of that, she has the courage to do what is necessary.
The surgery is scheduled for Wednesday November 12th.
While Chandy is in surgery they will remove one group of lymph nodes and test them and if there aren't cancer cells present then they will stop there. If the cells are present then they'll take the others. The first steps of the reconstruction will also begin in the same surgery.
As we thought before, part of her treatment is going to involve chemotherapy, radiation and hormone therapy.
We know it's going to be tough going for awhile. I'm still thankful for having a tough wife with the support system around her that she has.
The meetings yesterday were fantastic! What a great experience for her. As you can see in her last post, it was a wonderful time for her. She feels your prayers, love and support. Please continue....as if I have to ask.
Gary
Monday, November 3, 2008
Pink Rules the Day!
I hope that I can put words to the many emotions I am feeling about yesterday. To start the day off all of my boys, including G, wore pink ties and I wore a pink sweater. It is my new color! Retail therapy has been very very good for me. A lot of my extended family also wore pink. As people began arriving to church I was so surprised by how many came in my behalf. More and even more came. I am just this simple everyday girl who has been faced with this challenge and I am completely taken back by the huge outpouring of love and support. Thank you to each of you who attended either meeting. I was in so much need of moral boosting and I cannot tell you what Sunday has done for me.
As the meeting began our sweet Bishop spoke about his daughter helping out a family in need. And I am reminded again that service is not only important to the receiver but also to the giver. Service can boost and cheer up any one's day. I need to continue to serve even though so many are now helping me.
G was the next one up and I knew the man loved me but to see him up there talk about the depth of his love had me beaming inside and out. And then he tells everyone how he married me for my looks and me being nice and loving and all that was just a bonus, yea I was a little embarrassed by that. But seriously I never imagined when we married 16 years ago that our love could grow so deep so passionately. He is an awesome father and I love to watch him talk about having all boys and the fun it is to play sports with them. But the most important thing he does with the boys is teach them about the gospel and their priesthood responsibilities. He comforts me when it is late at night and I tell him about all my worries and fears. He appreciates all the help from everyone and can see how it uplifts me and our entire family. I am grateful that he honors his priesthood and at anytime he can use that priesthood to comfort me.
Then it was my mom who spoke. She is the spiritual one. I don't think I will ever be as intune to the spirit as she is. This is a little off the subject but I want all of you to see just how good she is at really listening to the still small voice.
When Matty had his accident when he was 16 months old, we had to go up to Primary Children's Hospital. They needed to operate to remove the pen that was embedded in the side of his head. So the doctor's tell you all the good, bad and ugly things that can go wrong in surgery and then they took Matt off to operate. I had a mild freak out and so they put us in our own little waiting room. While we were waiting my mom heard the words "All is Well, All is Well." She knew immediately that everything was going to be ok with Matt. Even after the surgery when had a fever she still held on to those words, All is well. And now looking back of course she was right. That is the kind of mom I have! Isn't she great?
She spoke of her love for each of us and loves being surrounded by all of her children and grandchildren. Which is a good thing because we all hang out at their house. Even the teenage grandkids think grandma and grandpa's house is a cool hang out!
My dear and sweet friends Cami and Emily both bore their testimonies as well. I am so glad to have the opportunity to work with such fine genuine ladies. My love and friendship for both of them is deep and to the core. I will always be grateful that they both were there to help me on the day I was told I had cancer. To have friends there and ready to pick you up is such a comfort and I hope that someday I can repay the debt.
Gary's brother Keith and twin sister Gina spoke also. I love hearing his family talk about G. There is that special bond between siblings and I can see the love that they have for each other and for our entire family. I know that at any time I can call on them to help me and they would do it. And everyone let G know that his twin sister is the better looking one!
A member of our ward spoke about challenges and trials and that while we are dealing with them it can be difficult, but there is always something to learn from them. I have already learned that trails bring you together. Just in our little family the boys are helping out more around the house without complaint and trying to get along. I have also learned compassion. We don't usually say I love you to people outside of your family. But in the last 10 days many many people have told me that they love me and my family. When you face a crisis such as ours, compassion comes out in everyone. You don't hold back your feelings and because of those feelings I have the strength to face all of my fears.
My sweet son Brett was so brave and stood up there as well. He started out saying, "What a month! My science grade goes from an F up to a B, my football team makes it to the championship game and my mom gets breast cancer." For a 13 year old young man to speak straight from the heart like that had everyone in the congregation weeping. It was so hard for him to control his tears and at one point I thought he was going to just walk away because he was crying so hard. Thankfully he got control of his emotions and was able to continue sharing his testimony. The strength of his words affected us all and for the rest of my life I will never...never forget his words!
The last one to share his testimony is one of the boys in primary. Now this little one has a hard and rough outside. Sometimes he doesn't like to participate in primary and can be a little disruptive. I have spoke to his parents about how to help him feel more comfortable in primary and they told me that if you just love him he will do better, he has a big huge heart. I made it a point to always talk to him every week and let him know that my eye was on him. Some weeks were good and some not, but I really liked him and he is such a fun kid to be around. My little Matt likes him as well and looks up to him. He has been in our ward for a little over a year and I have seen a real change in him. He is very smart and loves a good challenge. I would always try to challenge him in primary and he would always soar. Well on Halloween he came to our house and as soon as I saw his sweet face I knew he heard the news about my cancer. He had this look on his face that he was worried about me. I was so touched that he would come over, on Halloween, to check on me. I instantly smiled and we had a good chat.
For him to stand up there Sunday and share his feelings about me is something that I will hold near to my heart forever. When I am having a bad day or not feeling well I will look back on this memory and it will pull me up. After the meeting I gave him a hug and kiss and told him that one little act he did will help me through those dark days I have ahead. And when I saw his parents after church I couldn't even put words together to tell them how I felt. When you serve in the church you hope to make a difference and at times you wonder if you really are. And yesterday was a pay day for me. He has grown by leaps and bounds and I will remember that moment and know that you can really make a difference if you are willing to do the Lord's work.
The remainder of church was wonderful and I think our darling primary children are ready for the sacrament program next week. We were going to meet again at the church at 5:00 to break our fast. My family went over to my parents house to help prepare food for everyone to eat after that meeting. Why oh why did we cook and prepare food while we were fasting? At one point some of my siblings went to play a game because the smell of the food was getting to us all. But everyone of us made it.
The 5:00 meeting was short and sweet. We sang "Nearer My God to Thee" and thank you sissy for leading the music even though you have never done it before.
The Bishop told everyone what was next for me and then my dad said the prayer to break the fast. What a fantastic prayer. He has such a way to express his words and I felt a calm come over me as he prayed. The chapel was completely full and to see that many people there again truly overwhelmed me. Afterwards my neighbor came over with her daughter who is in primary and told me that they always give their children a choice if they want to fast the whole day or not, because it is hard for them to go all day. Well this precious little girl for the first time in her life fasted the entire day and did it for me. I wept with her and gave her a gianormous hug. Again a pay day for me.
Yipee! To my parents house to eat we went. Of course all of the food was delicious. Both of my parents are outstanding cooks. It was also nice to visit with so many friends and family.
Wow what a day! It is one that I will never forget and I know that I have grown from experiencing this day with so many friends and family members.
Next up doctor's appointment Tuesday, we will let you know what happens.
Thanks to all of you...hugs and kisses all around!
Chandy
As the meeting began our sweet Bishop spoke about his daughter helping out a family in need. And I am reminded again that service is not only important to the receiver but also to the giver. Service can boost and cheer up any one's day. I need to continue to serve even though so many are now helping me.
G was the next one up and I knew the man loved me but to see him up there talk about the depth of his love had me beaming inside and out. And then he tells everyone how he married me for my looks and me being nice and loving and all that was just a bonus, yea I was a little embarrassed by that. But seriously I never imagined when we married 16 years ago that our love could grow so deep so passionately. He is an awesome father and I love to watch him talk about having all boys and the fun it is to play sports with them. But the most important thing he does with the boys is teach them about the gospel and their priesthood responsibilities. He comforts me when it is late at night and I tell him about all my worries and fears. He appreciates all the help from everyone and can see how it uplifts me and our entire family. I am grateful that he honors his priesthood and at anytime he can use that priesthood to comfort me.
Then it was my mom who spoke. She is the spiritual one. I don't think I will ever be as intune to the spirit as she is. This is a little off the subject but I want all of you to see just how good she is at really listening to the still small voice.
When Matty had his accident when he was 16 months old, we had to go up to Primary Children's Hospital. They needed to operate to remove the pen that was embedded in the side of his head. So the doctor's tell you all the good, bad and ugly things that can go wrong in surgery and then they took Matt off to operate. I had a mild freak out and so they put us in our own little waiting room. While we were waiting my mom heard the words "All is Well, All is Well." She knew immediately that everything was going to be ok with Matt. Even after the surgery when had a fever she still held on to those words, All is well. And now looking back of course she was right. That is the kind of mom I have! Isn't she great?
She spoke of her love for each of us and loves being surrounded by all of her children and grandchildren. Which is a good thing because we all hang out at their house. Even the teenage grandkids think grandma and grandpa's house is a cool hang out!
My dear and sweet friends Cami and Emily both bore their testimonies as well. I am so glad to have the opportunity to work with such fine genuine ladies. My love and friendship for both of them is deep and to the core. I will always be grateful that they both were there to help me on the day I was told I had cancer. To have friends there and ready to pick you up is such a comfort and I hope that someday I can repay the debt.
Gary's brother Keith and twin sister Gina spoke also. I love hearing his family talk about G. There is that special bond between siblings and I can see the love that they have for each other and for our entire family. I know that at any time I can call on them to help me and they would do it. And everyone let G know that his twin sister is the better looking one!
A member of our ward spoke about challenges and trials and that while we are dealing with them it can be difficult, but there is always something to learn from them. I have already learned that trails bring you together. Just in our little family the boys are helping out more around the house without complaint and trying to get along. I have also learned compassion. We don't usually say I love you to people outside of your family. But in the last 10 days many many people have told me that they love me and my family. When you face a crisis such as ours, compassion comes out in everyone. You don't hold back your feelings and because of those feelings I have the strength to face all of my fears.
My sweet son Brett was so brave and stood up there as well. He started out saying, "What a month! My science grade goes from an F up to a B, my football team makes it to the championship game and my mom gets breast cancer." For a 13 year old young man to speak straight from the heart like that had everyone in the congregation weeping. It was so hard for him to control his tears and at one point I thought he was going to just walk away because he was crying so hard. Thankfully he got control of his emotions and was able to continue sharing his testimony. The strength of his words affected us all and for the rest of my life I will never...never forget his words!
The last one to share his testimony is one of the boys in primary. Now this little one has a hard and rough outside. Sometimes he doesn't like to participate in primary and can be a little disruptive. I have spoke to his parents about how to help him feel more comfortable in primary and they told me that if you just love him he will do better, he has a big huge heart. I made it a point to always talk to him every week and let him know that my eye was on him. Some weeks were good and some not, but I really liked him and he is such a fun kid to be around. My little Matt likes him as well and looks up to him. He has been in our ward for a little over a year and I have seen a real change in him. He is very smart and loves a good challenge. I would always try to challenge him in primary and he would always soar. Well on Halloween he came to our house and as soon as I saw his sweet face I knew he heard the news about my cancer. He had this look on his face that he was worried about me. I was so touched that he would come over, on Halloween, to check on me. I instantly smiled and we had a good chat.
For him to stand up there Sunday and share his feelings about me is something that I will hold near to my heart forever. When I am having a bad day or not feeling well I will look back on this memory and it will pull me up. After the meeting I gave him a hug and kiss and told him that one little act he did will help me through those dark days I have ahead. And when I saw his parents after church I couldn't even put words together to tell them how I felt. When you serve in the church you hope to make a difference and at times you wonder if you really are. And yesterday was a pay day for me. He has grown by leaps and bounds and I will remember that moment and know that you can really make a difference if you are willing to do the Lord's work.
The remainder of church was wonderful and I think our darling primary children are ready for the sacrament program next week. We were going to meet again at the church at 5:00 to break our fast. My family went over to my parents house to help prepare food for everyone to eat after that meeting. Why oh why did we cook and prepare food while we were fasting? At one point some of my siblings went to play a game because the smell of the food was getting to us all. But everyone of us made it.
The 5:00 meeting was short and sweet. We sang "Nearer My God to Thee" and thank you sissy for leading the music even though you have never done it before.
The Bishop told everyone what was next for me and then my dad said the prayer to break the fast. What a fantastic prayer. He has such a way to express his words and I felt a calm come over me as he prayed. The chapel was completely full and to see that many people there again truly overwhelmed me. Afterwards my neighbor came over with her daughter who is in primary and told me that they always give their children a choice if they want to fast the whole day or not, because it is hard for them to go all day. Well this precious little girl for the first time in her life fasted the entire day and did it for me. I wept with her and gave her a gianormous hug. Again a pay day for me.
Yipee! To my parents house to eat we went. Of course all of the food was delicious. Both of my parents are outstanding cooks. It was also nice to visit with so many friends and family.
Wow what a day! It is one that I will never forget and I know that I have grown from experiencing this day with so many friends and family members.
Next up doctor's appointment Tuesday, we will let you know what happens.
Thanks to all of you...hugs and kisses all around!
Chandy
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Today was a great day!
As many of you know our son Brett 13, had his football playoff game today. It was a nail bitter but they won 6-0! Yipee! So next Saturday they will play in the championship game aganist another Alta team. It should be a good game we will let you know the time and place and you all can come cheer the team on. You can also see G in action, he coaches the offensive side of the team. It is very fun to watch.
Tonight G and I went to the temple with my parents and siblings and their spouses. It was such a wonderful night. It has been a while since we have all been to the temple together so it was nice to bask in the spirit with family members.
I also got a phone call from a friend who is really good friends with the surgeon who is taking care of me. I felt such a comfort to know that we really did choose the right doctor to help me battle this yucky monster. I know that I am in good hands and that helps me get through each day. I am also comforted by the overwhelming love and support I feel from so many of you. I am just an ordinary person who has to deal with this very very scary thing and I feel so weak and vulnerable. But because of the outpouring of love, I have the strength to make it through each day and know that I have many many people boosting me up when I need it most.
So thanks again to all of you, I don't think I could ever repay all that love but it is a testimony to me that service is a wonderful thing!
Tonight G and I went to the temple with my parents and siblings and their spouses. It was such a wonderful night. It has been a while since we have all been to the temple together so it was nice to bask in the spirit with family members.
I also got a phone call from a friend who is really good friends with the surgeon who is taking care of me. I felt such a comfort to know that we really did choose the right doctor to help me battle this yucky monster. I know that I am in good hands and that helps me get through each day. I am also comforted by the overwhelming love and support I feel from so many of you. I am just an ordinary person who has to deal with this very very scary thing and I feel so weak and vulnerable. But because of the outpouring of love, I have the strength to make it through each day and know that I have many many people boosting me up when I need it most.
So thanks again to all of you, I don't think I could ever repay all that love but it is a testimony to me that service is a wonderful thing!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Hello Family and friends!
Today I had my MRI. Man that was a rough one!
I got there and waited for 30 minutes and in that time I used the bathroom twice...nerves. I was called back and had to change taking all metal off of me and again used the bathroom...nerves! I didn't think I was nervous I guessed wrong.
They had to give me an IV so they could shoot dye in me to see where the cancer is. It was freezing cold in the MRI room so the nurses wrapped me up in several blankets to keep me warm. They also wrapped my arms in blankets which were resting above my head, I was laying on my belly with a opening for my chest and for my face so I could breath. So I went into the machine feet first. The good thing about being on my belly is I couldn't see what a tight fit it is in the machine. I had some oxygen to breath which really helped keep me calm.
My mom had the best idea to sing primary songs in my head while I was holding as still as I could. Oh, and they gave me ear plugs. Did you know those MRI machines are super loud? So the first time it started I flinched.
The nurse could speak to me and she would tell me how long each sequence was going to last. The entire scan was going to last 35-40 minutes. So after a couple of 4 minute sequences I started getting hot. I mean really hot. The nurse told me that if we needed to stop or if I needed anything just to talk because there is a microphone in the machine and she would hear me.
After the machine stopped I told her that I needed a break it was just too hot. She didn't hear me. Crap! So again I said "I think I need a break it is too hot." Nothing happened. Ok I started freaking out. I could feel my heart racing, my breath sped up and I was still trying to hold still. What was I going to do if she never heard me and I was going to have to stay in this machine for 20 more minutes? The woman who was in the MRI just before me had actually passed out. Was I going to pass out? I said a quick little prayer asking for strength to stop this anxiety attack. I immediately felt calmer and took some slow deep breaths.So when the machine stopped the fourth time she told me that the dye was going to go in and the next sequence was 10 minutes. There was no way I was going to make it. So a little louder I said "I need a break I am burning up in here!" She heard and came in and said "Chandria, did you say something I can't really hear all the blankets are muffling the sound?" I told her that I needed the blankets off me.
She took the ones off my arms and it was like freedom! Free from the heat, free to wiggle and free to really take a big breath. She asked if she needed to take me out of the machine and remove the other blankets, but I didn't want to reset the whole thing so I said no. I really did feel better just having my arms free. So in went the dye cold up my arm it went. After the 10 minute sequence I had one more 4 and half minute one the last one! I was almost done.
I was surprised that I couldn't remember all of the songs my primary is going to sing in their upcoming program. I kept repeating the same songs. At one point I thought about my boys and that got me too emotional and I didn't want to cry while in the machine. So I had to switch my thoughts to other things, like shopping, cleaning, shopping, working out, and then shopping...nothing that would make my fragile self get weepy. I had to stay strong I am fighting this monster inside of me and I am stronger than this stupid beast. I was not going to cry. No way! I got through the last sequence and out I came.
I was really light headed and had to sit there for a few minutes to make sure I wouldn't faint. I made it to the dressing room and said a little prayer to Heavenly Father thanking Him for giving me the strength to make it. I had to sit there for a few more minutes catching my breath and making sure I was ok to walk out by myself.
G was still there waiting for me. I cannot tell you what a sight he is to see after I had gone through this test. I immediately calmed down and felt comfort flow over my entire body. To feel his arms wrap around me gave me the strength that I needed to know everything was going to be ok. So G thank you for being the rock solid man I needed when I am feeling so weak and vulnerable.
The nurse told me that the Doctor would call me tomorrow with the results. Well around 4:00 today the doc called! And finally a little piece of good news and not another shocking wave. There was nothing new on the MRI that they didn't already see from the mammogram and ultrasound. What a little relief!
It may seem a small thing and that maybe it wasn't technically really "good" news but I've felt lately like every time we run another test or every time we talk to a doctor things are worse than we thought they were. At least now we're getting a better idea of the size of the monster I'm battling.
The next step is that on this next Tuesday we'll meet with our surgeon, Dr. Rasmussen, and the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Ferguson. It's then that we'll decide what our options are on how we are surgically going to take care of this and how invasive it will be. We will also schedule the day of the surgery.
I am also looking forward to Brett's playoff football game this Saturday, a trip to the temple on Saturday night and an uplifting Fast Sunday.
Thank you to each and everyone one of you who have called, texted, sent cards, cookies, and flowers. I cannot tell you the overwhelming emotions that come over me each time I hear from someone. I know that the 2 little words "thank you" cannot even touch upon the gratitude I have in my heart. So as my sissy-in-law Hillary would say "Feel my arms hugging you!" I send a giant hug to each of you. It is all that love giving me the courage and strength to overcome this stinking beast.
Much love and Happy Halloween!
Chandy
Today I had my MRI. Man that was a rough one!
I got there and waited for 30 minutes and in that time I used the bathroom twice...nerves. I was called back and had to change taking all metal off of me and again used the bathroom...nerves! I didn't think I was nervous I guessed wrong.
They had to give me an IV so they could shoot dye in me to see where the cancer is. It was freezing cold in the MRI room so the nurses wrapped me up in several blankets to keep me warm. They also wrapped my arms in blankets which were resting above my head, I was laying on my belly with a opening for my chest and for my face so I could breath. So I went into the machine feet first. The good thing about being on my belly is I couldn't see what a tight fit it is in the machine. I had some oxygen to breath which really helped keep me calm.
My mom had the best idea to sing primary songs in my head while I was holding as still as I could. Oh, and they gave me ear plugs. Did you know those MRI machines are super loud? So the first time it started I flinched.
The nurse could speak to me and she would tell me how long each sequence was going to last. The entire scan was going to last 35-40 minutes. So after a couple of 4 minute sequences I started getting hot. I mean really hot. The nurse told me that if we needed to stop or if I needed anything just to talk because there is a microphone in the machine and she would hear me.
After the machine stopped I told her that I needed a break it was just too hot. She didn't hear me. Crap! So again I said "I think I need a break it is too hot." Nothing happened. Ok I started freaking out. I could feel my heart racing, my breath sped up and I was still trying to hold still. What was I going to do if she never heard me and I was going to have to stay in this machine for 20 more minutes? The woman who was in the MRI just before me had actually passed out. Was I going to pass out? I said a quick little prayer asking for strength to stop this anxiety attack. I immediately felt calmer and took some slow deep breaths.So when the machine stopped the fourth time she told me that the dye was going to go in and the next sequence was 10 minutes. There was no way I was going to make it. So a little louder I said "I need a break I am burning up in here!" She heard and came in and said "Chandria, did you say something I can't really hear all the blankets are muffling the sound?" I told her that I needed the blankets off me.
She took the ones off my arms and it was like freedom! Free from the heat, free to wiggle and free to really take a big breath. She asked if she needed to take me out of the machine and remove the other blankets, but I didn't want to reset the whole thing so I said no. I really did feel better just having my arms free. So in went the dye cold up my arm it went. After the 10 minute sequence I had one more 4 and half minute one the last one! I was almost done.
I was surprised that I couldn't remember all of the songs my primary is going to sing in their upcoming program. I kept repeating the same songs. At one point I thought about my boys and that got me too emotional and I didn't want to cry while in the machine. So I had to switch my thoughts to other things, like shopping, cleaning, shopping, working out, and then shopping...nothing that would make my fragile self get weepy. I had to stay strong I am fighting this monster inside of me and I am stronger than this stupid beast. I was not going to cry. No way! I got through the last sequence and out I came.
I was really light headed and had to sit there for a few minutes to make sure I wouldn't faint. I made it to the dressing room and said a little prayer to Heavenly Father thanking Him for giving me the strength to make it. I had to sit there for a few more minutes catching my breath and making sure I was ok to walk out by myself.
G was still there waiting for me. I cannot tell you what a sight he is to see after I had gone through this test. I immediately calmed down and felt comfort flow over my entire body. To feel his arms wrap around me gave me the strength that I needed to know everything was going to be ok. So G thank you for being the rock solid man I needed when I am feeling so weak and vulnerable.
The nurse told me that the Doctor would call me tomorrow with the results. Well around 4:00 today the doc called! And finally a little piece of good news and not another shocking wave. There was nothing new on the MRI that they didn't already see from the mammogram and ultrasound. What a little relief!
It may seem a small thing and that maybe it wasn't technically really "good" news but I've felt lately like every time we run another test or every time we talk to a doctor things are worse than we thought they were. At least now we're getting a better idea of the size of the monster I'm battling.
The next step is that on this next Tuesday we'll meet with our surgeon, Dr. Rasmussen, and the reconstructive surgeon, Dr. Ferguson. It's then that we'll decide what our options are on how we are surgically going to take care of this and how invasive it will be. We will also schedule the day of the surgery.
I am also looking forward to Brett's playoff football game this Saturday, a trip to the temple on Saturday night and an uplifting Fast Sunday.
Thank you to each and everyone one of you who have called, texted, sent cards, cookies, and flowers. I cannot tell you the overwhelming emotions that come over me each time I hear from someone. I know that the 2 little words "thank you" cannot even touch upon the gratitude I have in my heart. So as my sissy-in-law Hillary would say "Feel my arms hugging you!" I send a giant hug to each of you. It is all that love giving me the courage and strength to overcome this stinking beast.
Much love and Happy Halloween!
Chandy
Fast this Sunday for Chandy
Wanted to update all of you on the Ward/Family/Friends Fast we're going to have for Chandy this Sunday.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, It will be this Sunday November 1st @ 9am. The address is 11199 South Wasatch Boulevard in Sandy. Please come to the meeting fasting if you are willing and able and we will meet again at the same place that evening at 5pm to close the fast.
I am so excited for Chandy and my sons to see the number of people who are pulling for them.
We would love to see all of you there if your circumstances allow it. You are certainly welcome to come to both meetings or one or the other. We understand that some will be traveling a fair distance to get there. If you are unable to attend, we know that your thoughts will be with her. No pressure.
If you wonder whether or not you're a close enough friend to attend then I can assure you that you are.
Thanks again,
Gary
As I mentioned in an earlier post, It will be this Sunday November 1st @ 9am. The address is 11199 South Wasatch Boulevard in Sandy. Please come to the meeting fasting if you are willing and able and we will meet again at the same place that evening at 5pm to close the fast.
I am so excited for Chandy and my sons to see the number of people who are pulling for them.
We would love to see all of you there if your circumstances allow it. You are certainly welcome to come to both meetings or one or the other. We understand that some will be traveling a fair distance to get there. If you are unable to attend, we know that your thoughts will be with her. No pressure.
If you wonder whether or not you're a close enough friend to attend then I can assure you that you are.
Thanks again,
Gary
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Anniversary
By the way...
In the middle of all this madness finally comes a day to be thankful for!
Tomorrow is our anniversary. We may not exchange extravagant gifts and we may not visit an exotic locale and there may be some sadness, but if I knew 16 years ago that this was to be my lot and that this is what I had to look forward to, I wouldn't have had a second thought.
It's probably obvious to everyone around us that with Chandy I have "outkicked my coverage" I have "married out of my class"! I have no business being married to this angel.
I am so thankful for her. She has taken care of me so long that it's about time I return the favor. I so look forward to being able to care for her like never before over the next little while.
I know that Chandy knows how much I love her. I'm certain that over the course of the next few months or so she'll find how deep that love really goes.
I love you babe...
G
In the middle of all this madness finally comes a day to be thankful for!
Tomorrow is our anniversary. We may not exchange extravagant gifts and we may not visit an exotic locale and there may be some sadness, but if I knew 16 years ago that this was to be my lot and that this is what I had to look forward to, I wouldn't have had a second thought.
It's probably obvious to everyone around us that with Chandy I have "outkicked my coverage" I have "married out of my class"! I have no business being married to this angel.
I am so thankful for her. She has taken care of me so long that it's about time I return the favor. I so look forward to being able to care for her like never before over the next little while.
I know that Chandy knows how much I love her. I'm certain that over the course of the next few months or so she'll find how deep that love really goes.
I love you babe...
G
Meeting with the Surgeon
My turn to post. Things are still a little fresh for Chandy and I thought I'd let her relax and I'd take care of this tonight.
Chandy and I went to meet with Dr. Rasmussen @ the new IMC in Murray. He was excellent and was real helpful with explaining every stupid question I had and presenting it in a way that even a dumb contractor could understand.
Unfortunately the news isn't what we wanted to hear.
It seems that though the three lumps are relatively small the area affected pretty well covers the right side of Chandy's right breast and the option of a lumpectomy and some radiation isn't the answer.
Chandy is going to have an MRI on Thursday morning. She also had her blood drawn so they could test her to see if she has the "breast cancer gene". Her young age and family history make them suspect that she might. Her surgery will be scheduled shortly after we get the results of these tests. It looks like it may be sometime mid to late next week.
As you can imagine, the thought of Chandy losing either one (if the gene test is negative) or both (if it's positive) of her breasts is not something she was hoping for. It also looks like in either case she'll need to experience the joy of chemotherapy and radiation.
I've keep reminding her that it was her cute bum that drew me to her in the first place anyways.
I am so thankful for all of you! Even this early in the process I can see her own strength and the strength she receives from Heavenly Father because of His love for her and because of your faith, love and prayers lifting her up when she's down.
It seems as if she keeps facing these waves that hit her and almost knock her down and then she picks herself up by her own strength and the strength she receives from all of you just in time for another wave to hit. I told her after our appointment today that I can't wait for the next few weeks/months or whatever it's going to be to pass so that when we go to see the doctor we walk out of there with good news and feeling better...you watch, it's going to happen and I can't wait.
I talked with our Bishop tonight who has been absolutely wonderful and we are going to dedicate our ward fast this Sunday to Chandy. You are welcome and encouraged to come! I would love to see a huge turnout for her. Family and friends alike. I think it would be a great lift for her and the boys. Our sacrament meeting is at 9 am and the address of our chapel is 11199 South Wasatch Blvd in Sandy. Everybody will be showing up after they've started their fast and then we will meet together again that night to close the fast. I'll have to get back to you on the time that night when we'll meet. Maybe if you can't make one meeting you could make the other.
I need to mention again that the outpouring of support has been incredible. I may need to add a wing to the house so I have a place to put the flowers and I may need an additional fridge to have a place to put the food.
Thanks again. Please keep praying for my wife and my boys.
Gary
Chandy and I went to meet with Dr. Rasmussen @ the new IMC in Murray. He was excellent and was real helpful with explaining every stupid question I had and presenting it in a way that even a dumb contractor could understand.
Unfortunately the news isn't what we wanted to hear.
It seems that though the three lumps are relatively small the area affected pretty well covers the right side of Chandy's right breast and the option of a lumpectomy and some radiation isn't the answer.
Chandy is going to have an MRI on Thursday morning. She also had her blood drawn so they could test her to see if she has the "breast cancer gene". Her young age and family history make them suspect that she might. Her surgery will be scheduled shortly after we get the results of these tests. It looks like it may be sometime mid to late next week.
As you can imagine, the thought of Chandy losing either one (if the gene test is negative) or both (if it's positive) of her breasts is not something she was hoping for. It also looks like in either case she'll need to experience the joy of chemotherapy and radiation.
I've keep reminding her that it was her cute bum that drew me to her in the first place anyways.
I am so thankful for all of you! Even this early in the process I can see her own strength and the strength she receives from Heavenly Father because of His love for her and because of your faith, love and prayers lifting her up when she's down.
It seems as if she keeps facing these waves that hit her and almost knock her down and then she picks herself up by her own strength and the strength she receives from all of you just in time for another wave to hit. I told her after our appointment today that I can't wait for the next few weeks/months or whatever it's going to be to pass so that when we go to see the doctor we walk out of there with good news and feeling better...you watch, it's going to happen and I can't wait.
I talked with our Bishop tonight who has been absolutely wonderful and we are going to dedicate our ward fast this Sunday to Chandy. You are welcome and encouraged to come! I would love to see a huge turnout for her. Family and friends alike. I think it would be a great lift for her and the boys. Our sacrament meeting is at 9 am and the address of our chapel is 11199 South Wasatch Blvd in Sandy. Everybody will be showing up after they've started their fast and then we will meet together again that night to close the fast. I'll have to get back to you on the time that night when we'll meet. Maybe if you can't make one meeting you could make the other.
I need to mention again that the outpouring of support has been incredible. I may need to add a wing to the house so I have a place to put the flowers and I may need an additional fridge to have a place to put the food.
Thanks again. Please keep praying for my wife and my boys.
Gary
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