Over the River!

I sing the song "To Grandmother's House" all the time. It says "Over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh, in the bright and drifting snow!" So I feel like we have gone over the river and we are getting closer to defeating "The Beast!" Just a trip through the woods left. It may be an awful dark woods at times but at least I'm over the river and the trip is under way.

So it is my turn to give you a recap of the past couple of days. Hopefully it isn't just a bunch of rambling because I can't seem to concentrate when I am on pain meds.

On Tuesday night I had to say goodbye to my old self. It was very painful. I like me.

I was ready for the process of getting rid of breast cancer to start, but when it came down to being so close I really was terrified. I have done a lot of studying but there is still so much of the unknown and I knew that from Wednesday on I was never ever going to be the same again.

I know that beauty is not just skin deep but it is still a big part of who I'm trying to become. These past couple of years I have spent countless hours in the gym to get my body back into pre-baby shape. I knew that I was going to lose the toned body that I had. Yes, G took some great photos of me so I can remember and have a goal that one day I am going to have that body back. It will be great motivation to pull me through. We did get to bed late and after many tears, hugs and kisses from G I finally fell asleep. I thought that right now I am frightened, vulnerable and shaky and that is who I am saying goodbye too. I am going to become stronger, more compassionate and better than ever!

So we arrived at IMC at 7:30 a.m. They had me change into the hottest hospital gown and pants. Not really in fact they were so big I had to hold them up every time I would walk so I wouldn't trip on them. The nurse put a hot pink tag on my right wrist that said, "Do not use this limb." That's because of the sentinel lymph node injection they do on the right breast so I cannot have an IV or blood drawn from that side. A little fact I didn't know about but man my left arm has more pricks than I ever expected.

At 9:00 they took me down to the Breast Care Center for the Injection of Dye. This guy came in the room and said, "Hi, my name is Doug and I am here from Nuclear Medicine." Ok, I was starting to get woozy. What are they injecting into me? And he said that after the injection he will check the room to make sure that no radioactive dye leaked into the air. So its safe to inject into you but no one can breath it!

Dr. Parkinson was going to do the procedure. He is the Head of Radiology at the Breast Care Center, so I felt good about that. He also took extra precaution not to puncture my implant, which I told him didn't matter, it was coming out in a couple of hours anyway. At that point I thought hmmm, I should have had a farewell party to my implants it has been a great 6 years! G has definitely got his moneys worth! Oh well, I am having reconstruction after all. I will be stronger, more compassionate and better than ever! So they inject the dye directly into the breast and then I was off to wait in the waiting room. It takes approximately 90 minutes for the dye to reach the lymph nodes they were going to test. It was nice to wait with G and my parents. It helped keep me relaxed.

Just before they took me to surgery, Dr. Ferguson came in to make some markings. I didn't really think I was nervous but as he was marking me the sweat from my arm pits was rolling down my arms and dripping onto the floor. It made me giggle and I apologized to Dr. Ferguson saying that he was going to have to clean up my sweat before they could operate.

And then I was off. Earlier that morning the nurse told me that the anesthesiologist was Dr. Rideout and I didn't think much about it until I saw this Dr. walk into the hall who looked just like a kid I grew up with. And sure enough it was Mr. Benji Rideout that grew up down the street from me. And as I remembered he was quite the goof ball and now he is going to be the one to put me to sleep? Crap I hope he got good grades in college! As soon as I told him who I was, he went and got Dr. Rasmussen and Dr. Ferguson and told them that we grew up together. Both the doctors told me that they needed some good stories to razz Benji about. I guess they like to tease each other. I hope they didn't do this while I was out of it on the surgery table. Nevertheless, I felt very confident in all of the doctors and nurses that were going to operate on me. I knew I couldn't have picked a better more well educated and experienced group of doctors. Once I got onto the surgery table I felt the medicine burn in my arm and Goodnight. That was it.

The next thing I remember, I was in the recovery room and I was so hot and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The nurse was feeding me ice chips but I couldn't shake the feeling that I couldn't breathe. Even Dr. Rideout tried to calm my fears and Dr. Ferguson (reconstructive surgeon) pulled off my socks for me and massaged my feet and legs to try and help me, but I was certain I was going to suffocate. I hate anxiety.

I must have gone to sleep for awhile again because when I came to I was in my hospital room asking G to wipe the tears from my face. I'd been crying. I was still fighting the anxiety a little. It was so good to see G and my mom and dad, that helped with the anxiety like crazy. I don't think G left the side of my bed for at least the next couple of hours. I knew that everything would be ok. I remember asking Gary what was the story with the lymph nodes and I was so glad that he said they were clean! I was also excited that my gene test came back negative! I was extremely happy that my sisters were a lot less likely to have to deal with this same situation.

The other thing I remember well was the pain. I hurt. For the most part, the nurses and their assistants were very helpful. They tried to manage the pain as best they could. The thing that was rough was the nausea. The first time I tried to sit up I got so nauseous that I knew I was going to throw up so I yelled at G (who was the only one in the room). He scrambled and found a garbage can which I made good use of. I spent the better part of that night and the next morning throwing up every time I got up. Ugh! Thankfully, Cindy, the CNA (certified nurse assistant) was a sweetheart and would hold my hair and wipe my face each time. She also calmed my fears after my first trip to the potty because my urine was BLUE! Side effect from the nuclear goods that I was injected with.

I decided that I really wanted to see my boys even though I may not look wonderful and I may not be feeling 100%. I wanted them to see that their mom was doing OK and that everything would be fine. My brother Dirt and his wife Hillary were watching the boys and they were nice enough to bring them by. I could see the worry in their faces but they seemed to enjoy the short visit.

You can see that the first night after the surgery wasn't pleasant. It basically was pain, throw up, blue pee, anxiety. Thanks to my Mom and Dad and G. G spent the night with me so he could help. He slept on a makeshift bed/couch. He was there to help me but I think I heard him snoring while I was making yet another nauseating trip to the restroom with Cindy. He sure seemed to be resting well!

I already hate mornings. So I wasn't too happy to see an early parade of Dr's, residents, nurses with their assistants and such. This parade began at 5am. I just wanted to sleep. They also brought me a breakfast with eggs...Eggs! After a night of throwing up it wasn't a welcome sight so I stuck with small mouth fulls of red jello.

I was surprised to see my OB/Gyn Dr. Jeffrey Barton. He's the best. Our family has known him and his father forever. His Father delivered me and all my siblings along with my sons Cody and Brett. After he passed away, his son Jeffrey delivered my two younger sons Dustin and Matt and has been taking care of me ever since. He was the one who had to give me the unfortunate news of the results of my original biopsy. He stopped by to check on me and see how I was doing. It was so nice to see someone who I trust completely. He reassured me that the Dr's who were taking care of me were the best and I certainly agree.

Dr. Ferguson also stopped by to see how I was doing. He explained about how well the surgery had gone. He also talked about the tubes that I have installed and explained how G needs to strip the lines and drain them for me at least twice a day. I was anxious to go home and he said that would be possible after I was able to keep my lunch down and jello didn't count.

Lunch came and it was like Thanksgiving, turkey, mashed potatoes and vegetables. It was actually pretty good for hospital food. The nurse came in and let me know we would wait a couple of hours to make sure it stayed down. I also needed to keep in my IV for a little longer to make sure I was well hydrated.

I had my mother with me and decided that she could take me home. I had G take the boys to the state playoff game between alta and syracuse so they could have a little fun. They had a blast and I finally got home just fine. We left the hospital at about 3:30 and I got home a little after 4pm.

I was so touched when I got home to see that my sisters and my neighbor and their kids had tied pink ribbons and bows throughout our yard. They tied them to the mailbox, branches, trees and anything else that they could reach. They even tied a pink ribbon to our Pittsburgh Steeler yard gnome.

Above all else, It was good to be home!

I'm feeling a little spent now so I think I will post about the last couple of days tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone for everything.

Chandy